Is This Your Fault?
I should just be able to make good decisions for my body
It’s the biggest frustration I heard from you earlier this week when I checked in with your nutrition
And I totally get it
Your logical brain says it’s not that hard to stick to your calories
That you hate binge eating
That you really want your period back because you know it’s the healthiest thing to do
Your logical brain says rest is needed so you can be more productive or train better
That you do in fact, deserve to eat a full meal without guilt
That you are allowed to buy yourself a cake on a Thursday afternoon and eat it without prior cause for celebration or condolences
But your logical brain is rarely the driver of your decisions around food
Exercise
And your body
Despite what much of fitness will tell you
That you just need to try harder
It’s very, very unlikely to be the case for you
There is a deeper reason why you’re struggling with disordered eating
However…
Getting lost in these deeper meanings
Getting overwhelmed by the idea of figuring these meanings out
Allowing these ideas to stifle you from creating change for yourself
That’s a problem
I need you to move out of this cycle
Me: how are things with your nutrition?
You: things aren’t great
Me: have you tried X or Y?
You: no
Me: are you willing to try Z?
You: I’m really busy right now maybe next month
Me: has that busy feeling ever changed?
You: no
Me: so what’s the real sticking point that’s stopping you?
You: …
The topic of the binge breakthrough live call this week was cultivating self-compassion
As part of that
I was debunking some common myths about self compassion that are keeping you stuck
One of those myths is that self compassion is taking it easy on yourself
Always being kind to yourself
And letting yourself get away with anything under the guise of self care
Self compassion has 2 parts – acknowledgment of our suffering with kindness
Plus taking action to alleviate that suffering
As a compassionate coach and mentor
I will always understand that life can be tough and that moving through your disordered eating or building a business ore improving your relationship with exercise when life kicks you in the nuts is hard
But I will always come back to action
What are you doing about it?
How are you learning from it?
What tangible decisions and actions are you taking to change it?
The least compassionate thing I could do in my weekly emails is to tell you that everything will be alright if you don’t take action and simply say to yourself that it’s ok,
That would be a lie
The reality of self compassion is this
You can comfort yourself
Soothe yourself
Offer yourself validation
And you can protect yourself
Provide for yourself
And motivate yourself
The soothing side of self-compassion = yin self-compassion
It’s the so-called “feminine” side of self-compassion
In contrast,
Yang self-compassion is the protective, providing, motivating side of self-compassion,
The “masculine” side of self-compassion
The move through the world compassionately
And more so
To overcome our struggles with food and body
We need to learn to lean into both sides
Take a minute now to consider one thing you’d like to change
A habit
A behaviour
A way of thinking
Picture it
Now consider
Do I treat myself with kindness around this thing?
Or do I treat myself with criticism?
What would yin self compassion look like here?
And now consider
Am I taking action around this thing?
Or am I waiting for it to pass?
Finding reasons not to take action?
Or taking action in the wrong direction?
What would yang self compassion look like here?
Living a more compassionate life is associated with reduced disordered eating
More positive body image
Greater kindness towards ourselves and others
Greater resilience
And a better ability to overcome set backs and challenges
If you think self criticism is driving you – listen to this
I hope you have a more compassionate weekend
I’m always here
Em
