Are You Running Around Again?

I’m late I’m late for a very important date 
No time to say hello goodbye I’m late
 
As I (somewhat mindfully) enjoyed my warm oats and partially exploded frozen cherry bowl of oats this morning accompanied by the forever reassuring dialogue of Chandler, Monica and friends, I suddenly remembered I hadn’t written my Friday email – an email I’ve written every week for years and like to send out at 630am because clearly it gets you through every Friday 
 
You may think I’d have dropped my oats and turned off Alex Baldwin taking a mental picture of your favourite friends but alas, I noted my error, finished my breakfast and considered – what is the best use of my time today?
 
Given you’re reading this email, you’ll note that I decided that writing this email was my top priority – gosh I know you’re so welcome
 
Feelings that didn’t arise, that would have in old perfectionist ‘must do more must be better must do as much as I can do earn my Friday night off’ me: stress; rush; anxiety; guilt – not enoughness
 
Last night I was lucky enough to be accompanied by Anna for a dinner date after I spoke at Loughborough University about my career and important topics in Women’s Health (where I also realised I was finally old enough to be the mother of the students to whom I was speaking and I was likely teetering on the edge of relatability and to be quite honest I got some good laughs out of it from the students and we know laughter is my energy so I’ll take it)
 
It's so underrated, isn’t it? Not being rushed
 
I don’t remember the context (the non-alcoholic rum had gone straight to my head) but the general vibe was how finally, both of us are at a place where we rarely feel rushed and more importantly, how we treasure that
 
This isn’t a reflection of the amount of work we have to do nor the ease of our lives per se (recognising of course that neither of us have children or dependents that I know add in 1000 ‘rush points’ on a daily basis) bur rather, a reflection of how we choose to react to situations and how we organise our time (again, said with the awareness that we are both business owners although of course with that, comes the challenge of always have things to do and always knowing that our livelihood is based on how hard we work)
 
I don’t want a rushed life (outside of the necessary moments). I don’t want an easy life – that wouldn’t fulfil me
 
But I spent so many years worrying about what what the next thing was, feeling guilt over slowing down, justmaking appointments in time, over-subscribing myself, even being late (which in my mind is a cardinal sin of disrespect, within reason)
 
As I grew more mindful I got curious about how my body and brain rambled through the day, the consistent loudness of my brain – to-do lists, messages requiring a response, worrying about my business, how I looked, what I’d said in that argument, what they’d said in that argument. I spent most of my time rushing from thing to thing, multitasking and planning and ticking off the dopamine-list of achievement
 
I missed the beauty of the snow on the trees, the spring flowers budding, the undertone of the text from a friend who needed me, the taste of that first sip of coffee, the diverse availability of alcohol free liquor on dinner dates with friends
 
At some point I began to wonder, had I always been someone who noticed so little? At what point had I become a human doing, instead of a human being?
 
I hope this Friday email allows you space to consider just being this weekend. That should this idea instil some feelings of anxiety, rather than brush it off as ‘someone who just doesn’t like to sit still’, you begin to get curious about this relaxation-induced anxiety. About why you feel uncomfortable doing what we are here to do – living in this moment, the only real thing we have
 
Have a wonderful, only partially rushed weekend 
 
I’m always here
 
Em