Why you need yoga (especially if you hate it)

I shed a literal tear,
Which although these days doesn’t take much,
It's an odd occurrence during a yoga class of 60 people,
Especially when,
In general,
I’m in a pretty sweet mood.
 
But this yoga class was different.
It opened with some group ‘ohms’,
Which I love because when I place my hands at heart centre,
And let out that sound,
I feel the vibration of my heart space on my finger tips,
It’s like I physically feel my heart waking up,
Softening into the moment.
 
The subsequent 50 minutes were spent in the dark,
In a hot, muggy room of 26 degrees,
Celsius by the way,
I haven’t been here long enough to figure out Fahrenheit,
Twisting and turning and grounding and stretching,
With a focus on shapes that opened the heart.
 
Afterward,
We spent 5 minutes in savasana,
Whilst the yoga teacher sung something incredible,
As we collectively sweated and sighed and melted into the floor,
After which,
We recited together 3 more ‘ohms’,
The cohesion of 60 voices reminiscent of that one time I went to church as a kid and got full body goosebumps despite not having an ounce of faith or understanding of my surroundings.
 
It was like my heart had entirely melted,
Which for me,
Is an intention I set almost daily,
With many of my meditation sessions,
Before meeting anybody I value,
I remind myself,
Strong back, open heart. 
 
I think sometimes we use past experiences as an excuse to stay closed off,
Remain hyper-independent or afraid of connection,
Of achievement,
Of pursuing anything that has the potential to hurt us,
And that’s not the life I choose to live anymore. 
 
I remember when I used to run out of savasana,
In fact,
I hated yoga all together,
It’s not productive enough,
Not intense enough,
What a waste of my time I could be running or working or lifting or sweating.
 
Bless past me,
Look who you’ve become. 
 
Yoga for me was simply not enough doing,
I couldn’t measure the outcomes,
I wasn’t any ‘good’ at it,
I couldn’t even touch my toes,
It just made me frustrated.
 
I feel like I’m repeating myself a lot right now,
And I’m only 2 sips of pinot down so we can’t blame that,
But this repeated talk of yoga and meditation and self-soothing,
It's come from the realisation that ultimately,
Most of us need to regulate ourselves a little better.
 
I use ‘a little’ to be gentle and nice and non-attacking for this Friday,
But feel free to replace that with something more apt for yourself.
 
Dysregulation happens when past trauma,
Chronic stress,
Lack of social support,
Difficult living conditions,
Or unresolved past problems knock our nervous system out of balance. 
 
We fall into fight or flight naturally and healthily when we experience a high stress situation,
An in the moment emergency,
But because so many of us have unresolved stuff hanging around like that one ex that seems to just know when you’re falling for someone else,
We can find ourselves in fight or flight at the most basic of moments, 
Even at moments of rest. 
 
Signs of dysregulation include an increased heart rate,
Sweaty palms,
Dry mouth,
Feelings of anxiety, 
Feeling like you might poop your pants,
Low mood,
Depression,
Feeling on edge,
Nausea.
 
I wonder if for a minute you could check in with yourself and ask,
Do I ever notice these feelings during my day?
How often?
 
What’s interesting about this dysregulation,
Aside from the fact it impacts our in-the-moment responses,
And our long-term habits that we use to try to regulate ourselves,
Things like disordered eating,
Over-exercising,
Having sex with people who aren’t good to us,
Is that it directly impacts on how our brains work.
 
In fact,
When parts of our brain are in an activated state,
As they are when we are dysregulated,
The part responsible for interoception,
I.e. noticing our hunger and fullness,
And the part responsible for how we perceive our bodies,
Ie. our body image,
They start to misfire. 
 
We become unable to notice our hunger and fullness,
Unable to see our bodies objectively or helpfully.
 
Most of you?
You perfectionists,
Overachievers,
Over-exercisers,
Marytrs who put everyone else first,
Coaches,
Parents,
Fixers,
Insecure attachers,
You spend a decent amount of your time here,
Then you wonder why you struggle with your relationship with food and your body.
 
Much of the work we do with clients at ETPHD coaching now involves this, 
We programme somatic work,
We teach meditation,
Yoga,
Grounding techniques,
Because there’s no way you can support your body image objectively,
Reconnect with your internal cues,
Develop self-trust,
When you’re chronically dysregulated and your brain is in that activated state.
 
Today’s post is longer than usual,
Blame the 2 sips of pinot that turned into 8,
They always say write tipsy and who am I to argue?

I just wish someone told me about this when I was 25,
I wish more of you acted upon it now,
That you put more effort into self-regulation,
Don’t get me started on co-regulation or we’ll be here all day,
My red flag memes are begging for inclusion.
 
If this is you,
If you fit that list or you feel chronically on alert,
Or indeed regularly apathetic,
Consider,
What am I doing to regulate my own nervous system?
And do I need help with this?