We’re turning on ourselves & policing our own bodies
“Your words don’t fit with your tiny waist and abs. I’m not sure what you’re trying to say.”
“Your body is distracting from what would otherwise be great content.”
“You’re gaslighting us by talking about dysfunctional eating and being in your body”
All comments I’ve received recently on my social media. All comments I’ve learned to let wash over me. All comments, however, that concern me for another reason. Comments that confirm to me that although on the surface it looks like the policing of women’s bodies is dissipating, we have a sinister undercurrent flowing between us as women. One that threatens to burn the bridges we have collectively built in our fight against the patriarchal diet culture of the 90s and 00s.
The anti-diet movement was born out of an overwhelming infestation of weight stigma and was a much-needed antithesis to the toxic diet culture messaging that contributed to the poor relationships with food of multiple generations, especially in women. The basis of diet culture was clear – it was a desperate (and frustratingly effective) way of controlling women’s bodies, reminding us in every media outlet that our worth is inherently greater with continued shrinkage, and constantly comparable with other women. What concerns me now, however, is the mirroring of that control under the guise of ‘anti-diet’.
From activist celebrities warning their millions of followers that perfectly legitimate prescription medication that works, that can save millions of people from the potential negative health consequences of excess body fat to misinformed people shouting that ‘all diets fail’ which, if we listen carefully, can often be heard alongside the faint whispers of ‘you’re a bad feminist if you diet’, we now have another problem emerging from the artificially sweetened ashes.
We’re turning on ourselves. We’re telling other women that no, your body doesn’t fit the mould that we’re looking for in this movement. Your body screams diet culture but your words scream health and empowerment. This doesn’t make sense to us. Kindly, shut up.
As I’ve aged, I’ve come to terms with the reality that some people misunderstand us to manage their own dysfunction, often to an extent that this is a completely unconscious choice. I’m aware that I risk inhabiting the suburbs of internalised misogyny here, but I find myself wondering if the retaliation of some people against bodies like mine is because of a personal bias, a personal reality that should they live in a body that they may have previously strived for, a certain level of dysregulation or dysfunction is apparent. That for them, previously aiming for a body that was disturbingly deemed as ‘worthier’ based purely on its aesthetics, resulted in a poor relationship with food, themselves or their body. It then becomes unfathomable to believe another has a different lived experience. This phenomenological viewpoint eventually resulting in the inability to accept that other people in different bodies don’t live that reality.
It is far easier to criticise, condemn and misunderstand another than to accept the reality of our own internal struggles.
I’m at a point now where I accept that no matter how much I try to articulate my thoughts or opinions, remove my own lens of bias (which is an impossible feat, but awareness is at least something), and encourage open dialogue on this topic, the defence mechanisms of some people limit their capacity to reciprocate.
I’m sure the same could be said for me. That no matter how much Eckhart Tolle I consume, my identity is so wrapped up in my own belief systems that I too, struggle to fully embrace alternative perspectives. I too, am defensive. I’m here writing these words. But those of us in non-typical anti-diet bodies are often seen through a lens of others’ contempt, struggles and stories. Likewise, those in larger bodies are often seen through a lens of others’ internalised weight bias. These lenses are unfortunately impacting our connection with other women and distracting us from our collective calling of body autonomy for all.
Policing bodies of any type hinders the effective communication of the evidence-based nuance of dieting, body image, intuitive eating and dysfunctional eating. Unfortunately, too, it generally only silences the voices of women. Men continue to show up as they please (and good for them).
Some people will never readily accept the possibility of healthful dieting, for their own feelings of fear around it themselves. For some, maintaining a leaner physique without dysfunctional eating habits seems genuinely impossible, and self-preservation manifests as disbelief and criticism of others who say otherwise.
Some people will never readily accept the possibility of health or greater body satisfaction in a larger body. Their inherent internalised weight stigma manifests as disbelief and criticism of others who appear to live this reality. We see this in the vitriol often directed towards personal trainers in larger bodies.
I’m not ignoring the inherent privilege that comes with being in a smaller body. I’m not for one minute suggesting that I have the perspective or first-hand experience of those in different circumstances or bodies. These comments stir curiosity in me, and writing is my outlet for this curiosity. But I don’t lose sleep over them, I recognise the inherent privilege of that, too.
I’m simply bored. Bored of the narrative that certain messages must come with a body type to match or no body at all. Bored of the pervasive nature of policing women’s bodies. Bored of requiring women to fit into a perfectly symmetrical box with a colour co-ordinated ribbon that allows us to feel comfortable because it fits the story that we have created in our own head, based on our own experiences, internalised values, ideals and collective trauma. It feels like just another impossible standard. Another rung on the invisible hierarchy of women’s bodies.
I’m concerned for young women growing up and into the narrative that still, it’s ok to police women’s’ bodies and ok to ask them to apologise for showing up as they are. This solely serves to detract us from our potential contribution to the world.
