The weekly perspective
One question to ask yourself
"Is this a helpful boundary or am I avoiding the hard thing?"
This came up on Thursday's ETPHD team podcast (listen here) - the question of what to do if a friendship is triggering, is it time to cut it off because it no longer serves you? I got a bit spicy. Boundaries are important, a fundamental skill we teach our clients in fact. But we often go too far the other way, we learn boundaries so that we don't have to have the hard conversations, don't have to reflect on our own behaviours, don't have to let anyone in. It's easier to say 'my boundary is that you can't ever comment on what I eat' than it is to reflect and accept the potential that you have a dysfunctional relationship with food. It's easier to decide 'I dont date men who speak that way' than it is to reflect on why you're so conflict averse that you'd rather back out entirely than lean in and develop a connection. It's easier to decide you don't work weekends, than it is to accept that you're so scared of reaching your career goals that you're ensuring your own failure by simply avoiding working hard enough.
Journal on this - how is your boundary setting? Do you have them? Do you think there's a potential that you're hiding behind them...?
One thing I'd tell my younger self
The more you say no to things that don't matter, the more you can say yes to things that do.
Self-explanatory. Like a broken record from me. But something as basic as sunscreen use is an indicator of the worth and respect you give your body. As the sun begins to creep its head around the clouds, let's make this the year you wear it every day. I feel like Gen Z have got this covered - it's the rest of us are that lagging.
Something to consider
You can think about things all you want, but the crux is taking the step towards it..
We all like to say we'll do things. Stop binge eating, get our period back, start dating, re-study. We don't all like to actually do the things. Often when we procrastinate, we do it to live in a place of pretending we can do it all - it's easier to say we'll do something and imagine a life of succeeding, than risk the reality of failure, isn't it? But actually doing the work requires two things - energy and commitment.
Journal on this - what are you saying you want? Are you actions moving you towards that goal? Or are you better at thinking and talking about it...
One thing to try this week
Make an appointment with your brain.
Here's a phrase that makes this super simple - "I hear you brain, stressing about what you ate, but let's talk about it at 6". Thought postponement is a key skill we teach out clients at the ETPHD method. Whether it's thoughts about food, body, work or life, when those thoughts and stories creep in through the day, try putting them into a box and giving yourself a set time later to come back to them, should they be important enough to do so (plan that time in advance). Remember, you are not your thoughts - you are the listening of them.
