Are you squatting on the cucumber patch?

Let’s talk about sex,
Baby,
Because right now I’m not getting any,
I ain’t ebbin on any neezers til they scrooge,
If you will,
Because my neezer is blocked by immigration, 
And I need a healthy outlet that isn’t lovehoney.com.
 
When I was competing and much, much leaner
I didn’t want sex,
Ever,
Id go as far as identifying as asexual at that time,
Although asexual might be code for ‘completely expectedly detached from my abusive ex-boyfriend’,
Who knows.
 
But even before that,
In my super lean starvation days of Yore,
You know the time with the apothecary tables,
I’d have sex because I wanted to connect with my boyfriend at the time,
But I never actually wanted the physical sex joy,
I simply never got the horn.
 
I didn’t own a vibrator,
I didn’t want to rogan on any joes,
The only thing I wanted to wrap my mouth around was a box of chips and cheese and a Dairy Milk Caramel.
 
Throughout these times I thought I didn’t have a high sex drive,
I convinced myself,
As did my toxic little prat of partner,
That I was broken,
That it was frustratingly low,
It was just who I was.
 
I felt a lot of shame about it,
What kind of woman doesn't love sex?
I felt disconnected,
Was embarrassed to share it even with best friends,
What was wrong with me?
 
Your sex drive right now might be true for you,
Because it varies between people hugely, 
Between different seasons of your life,
And there’s nothing wrong with yours wherever you fall,
Be that asexual or indeed,
Desperado to liz on their trust til you resign.
 
Point is,
It was 'wrong' for me,
My natural state when connected with someone amazing,
And I of course only ever connect with someone amazing...
Is far removed from those days of sex and food restriction of my past.

Sex is so imperative for many of us to feel connected,
To ourselves and to others,
And there are many things within our control that can impact our want for it,
Or in some cases,
Our damn straight need for it.
 
Part of this is getting a bit older and realising what you like,
Feeling comfortable enough to vocalise what you like,
Dating people who’ve not only read the books and put it into practice,
But are as, if not more invested in your enjoyment,
Because shockingly,
Your drive for sex is exponentially higher when it’s actually a good time for you too.
 
But a lot of it?
It’s your body image,
Your energy levels,
Your (dys)regulation,
All things that you have complete autonomy over,
Which is bloody amazing.
 
When you build a more positive body image,
You'll find your sex drive increase,
You'l want to stock on some holms til they syndrome,
To DJ the VJ,
Or polish the pearl.
 
Not only is a positive body image associated with an increased rate of orgasms during sex,
Hetero girls we don’t have the percentages to lose on this one,
But it’s also associated with more orgasms when we take a self-guided tour,
Snap selfies at The Bean. 
 
You might think,
I’m not bothered about sex,
I don’t love it
And that’s fine,
You don’t have to,
But relational health is imperative to thriving,
With or without doing squat thrusts in the cucumber patch,
Apologies for the heteronormative nature of that one.
 
But paddling the pink canoe is associated with better sleep,
Body image,
Higher self-esteem,
Better mood
And emotional regulation,
It’s literal self-compassion,
And all of these things are associated with reduced disordered eating. 
 
If you’re feeling disconnected,
Struggling to flourish in romantic love,
Or simply with loving yourself,
I say simply like it’s easy,
This is something to consider,
How am I strengthening my sexuality?
Or indeed,
How am I holding it back?
 
As a side note,
Our clients frequently report better orgasms,
Healthier relationships,
Alongside their new-found peaceful relationships with food and their bodies,
But that’s not really an outcome that can be rammed into a transformation picture, is it?