One question to ask yourself

Where am I holding myself back?

After a discussion with some friends this weekend, I've recognised I'm holding myself back in a certain area of my life. After reflection, I've figured out why (and I don't actually know if it's a bad thing but maybe progress in that area of my life isn't actually aligned with my values right now). But this isn't about me. Be super honest with yourself, reflect back on some goals, hopes or intentions you had for this year back in January - are you moving towards them? What about some bigger lifelong goals, are you actually moving towards them or are you hiding under a veil of overworking, over socialising or martrying yourself instead?

Journal on this - what do I say I want to achieve, and how am I stopping myself from making progress here? 

One thing I'd tell my younger self

The red flag you're ignoring now is the red flag that will be the end of your relationship.

I heard this recently from a psychotherapist on this highly intellectual podcast (yes, it was TikTok). It stung. We often play victim to the end of our relationships (romantic or otherwise) as if we're shocked it ended this way, but if we're holding ourselves super compassionately accountable, we know that a lot of the time, it's simply a manifestation of the red flag we ignored in the beginning (please god don't say you ignored it you just thought you could fix it because that's for another day). Stop ignoring them. I know the most interesting people come from a few spicy memories and we celebrate that but haven't you had enough yet?

Something to consider

A restless mind makes a problem of a resting body. 


Your problem with rest isn't in the calories you're not burning, the work you're not doing and the steps you're not taking. Your ability to rest (and we need rest) will develop only when you uncover the restlessness of your mind. I dont care how much you love training, working or being around others - an inherent dislike of being with our own thoughts is something to get curious about.

Journal on this - what could I be avoiding by avoiding rest? What am I seeking by busy-ing myself to this degree?

One thing to try this week

Get curious instead of critical.

It's easy in our hard moments to question, why am I like this? As I sliced my finger opening a bottle of red last night (for the 207th time), I asked myself similar. We know I love a bit of self deprecation (sue me I'm British) but in reality, it's not criticism that gets us anywhere. No, it's curiosity that brings us closer to ourselves. Every time you notice critical thoughts, can you replace them with curiosity? This goes for conversations with others too. Imagine how much better at listening you'd be if you listened with curiosity, and imagine how that would impact your connections.

Journaling prompts to move from criticism to curiosity:

• Why did I do that? (no sorry babe it's not because you're an asshole)

• Why do I think that?

• How did that happen?

• What am I feeling? ('like an asshole' isn't a feeling)

• Where did this come from?