The truth about my weight gain
The weight will fall off you if you breastfeed
Cool story bro
No one told me weight gain would come after the baby
Especially breastfeeding
With the apparent huge increase in calorie requirements
Probably about 500 calories or so
The world of ‘bouncing back’ shouted that post-partum weight loss would be the easiest weight loss of my life
I didn’t pay much attention
I hate the narrative of bouncing back
I find transformations and fat loss content about as boring as singing the wheels on the bus for the 29th time in an hour
I didn’t want to lose weight after giving birth
I acknowledge the privilege of living in a societally accepted body
And my body image is pretty positive
So I’ve never really ingested much of the post-partum weight loss content around me
I’ve been surprised this week that my bras don’t really fit
Buzzed off my juicy tits with this one especially my juicy left she is thriving
My clothes are getting tighter
And after attempting them for the first time I realise I can no longer do my pull ups
Although after 18 months I’ll take that I can even hang there for a while without pissing my post-partum pants
I think I’ve tipped a little outside of my settling range
I say think because I don’t weigh myself
Which as I remind you often
Is usually wider than you think
Maybe 5-10% around a specific weight
A range that’s defended by physiology
That can be overridden by environmental and psychological factors
Because our habits determine our body composition more so than anything else
These habits often being encouraged by inbuilt drivers
It’d be easy for you to assume I NEVER think about my body weight
It’s true that it’s rare for me to consider it these days
After giving so much of my life away to it for decades
I really can’t imagine much worse than it being a focus of mine
But I’d be lying if I said it NEVER crossed my mind
The reality is though that even though there’s some occasional discomfort for me in my body right now
I can acknowledge it without taking any action
Here’s just some of the reasons why I’m NOT trying to lose the weight I’ve gained
Food brings me comfort and joy and is a tool for self-regulation for me right now – I don’t want to give that up
I want to eat regularly to satiety a time I’m more likely to overeat – it’s a staple for a good relationship with food
It would be very hard for me to show up cognitively 100% for work and emotionally 100% for my family and myself if I was hungry
A calorie deficit will create a cascade of psychological and physiological stressors – I don’t have the capacity or want for these right now
I’m going through grief – anticipatory grief; grief for my past life; for big changes in my life. This grief is asking to be heard and felt. I fear that I’d be trying to escape this grief by controlling it through attempting to control my body
I imagine the weight will come off when I’m more able to easily eat in an aligned way, without intentional fat loss, but with the habits I’ve built over decades
My health is not impacted by my body fat levels
I recognise that my body image is not dependent on fluctuations in body fat
I recognise that my worth is not dependent on fluctuations in body fat
I recognise that my success is not dependent on fluctuations in body fat
Dieting doesn’t align with my values even remotely – family, love, relationships, impact, support, balance, peace, success. It’s much harder to do something if it doesn’t align with our values, often taking us away from what matters most, ruining our mood, impacting our mindset, leaving us feeling lost and anxious and really that’s just not for me
I don’t want it enough
There’s this real scarcity and fear that you feel when you gain some weight
Immediately assuming you must diet
Get rid of it
I see it all the time with people I work with at ETPHD
Who’ve gained weight often through binge eating
Experiencing this real urgency to get rid of the weight
They’ve often sacrificed their health and relationship with food for years because of this urgency
This need
I also work with a lot of people who have gained a little weight in recovery from hypothalamic amenorrhea
Only to feel the urgent need to lose it again
Stalling the return of their period
Maybe too you would benefit from losing fat for your health
Which only adds to that urgency
I wonder
Is this you?
Are you so desperado to lose weight that you’re sacrificing your values
Your needs
Other aspects of health to get there?
There’s a lot of talk of practicing delayed gratification when it comes to dieting
Focusing on the long-term goal instead of the short-term bourbon biscuit
But I wonder if you can practice that same delayed gratification on a wider perspective?
Instead of reacting to every small change in your body
Sacrificing your relationship with food for short-term body change
Can you think about the entire book of your life instead?
Maybe for example
Your health would benefit from fat loss
But you’re binge eating still
This chapter of your book requires work on your relationship with food
The next chapter on fat loss
You cannot be led by fluctuations in weight if you actually want to see weight change
Maybe for example
You want to be leaner for aesthetics
But you have HA
This chapter of your book requires you to work on your hormonal health
The next chapter on aesthetics
You cannot be led by fluctuations in weight if you actually want to see healthy change
There is nothing more courageous than recognising that you can’t do this anymore
You’re going round in circles being so reactive to natural changes in your body size
Never getting to where you need to be
What is this season of your life asking you to focus on?
Do that
I’m always here,
Em
