It’s Not About You

Prepare for my most unpopular opinion since I told you dieting when you’re binge eating won’t work and that auditioning the finger puppets might be better than hetero sex.
 
I’ll keep it snappy,
Short and sweet I mean,
As opposed to me on my luteal phase when snappy is an actual vibe to be run (far away) from.
 
Someone on the ETPHD pod asked us this week,
How to manage triggers when you’re part of a wedding party?
And in the kindest possible way I said,
Unless you’re the person getting married,
It’s not about you.
 
I was also speaking to a coach I mentor earlier,
And she was unsure about her messaging online,
Felt silly about saying things that have been said 100x before,
And again the reality was simple,
It’s not actually about you.
 
We are all inherently self-obsessed,
And that’s ok,
You live with yourself and the voices in your head 24/7,
You read all my emails so you paddle the pink canoe a healthy amount,
You journal and do all the self-reflection that I encourage on the regs,
Of course you are a little self-obsessed.
 
As a population inundated with self-help on our timelines,
Encouraged to seek therapy if we have access,
Taking ice baths and sea dips and meditating for hours and manifesting everything our highest selves desire,
This journey into self-awareness can become all consuming.
 
I, for one, low key single white female myself.
 
But this is problematic,
We become detached from the reality of the world in which we live,
We start to think that birthdays and photos and our jobs and other people are all about us.
 
We dissect everything that shows up around us,
Get so trapped in our own thoughts and dialogue that we forget the entire premise of our role here on earth,
To live presently,
To connect with others,
And embrace the inter-connectedness of all living beings,
As we contribute what we can to the world. 
 
You’ll notice this yourself if you’ve spent a while on your own,
The stories in your head become deafening,
It’s often when you overeat or fall into negative self-talk,
Then you go out for a walk,
Make eye contact with some people,
Watch the relationships around you,
Run in to the cutest little burnt orange toy poodle you ever did see accompanied by the cutest older man you also ever did see,
And things become ok again.
 
You break out of the self-obsession,
Lean into connectedness with the world,
And instantly feel more at peace.
 
It takes very little to make other people smile,
To give the gift of your presence,
To support them through your knowledge or your listening, 
To show up on a day that is celebrating their lives,
And not be caught up in the stories you tell yourself.
 
Because people know,
You know?
When you’re there in person,
But behind your eyes thinking about what you ate,
When you’re tentative about voicing your opinion,
Because you’re scared of being wrong,
People meet your energy. 
 
This self-work you’re doing is so that you can grow with others,
Connect with others,
Show up more fully in this world in love,
Not so you can excel to your highest self,
And as you do so,
Drop every meaningful connection,
Avoid any triggering situations,
And heal yourself at the expense of all else.
 
If you’re overthinking a situation you’ve got coming up,
Maybe a party with old friends,
A holiday with your family,
Or a big work event,
And you’re worried about the things people will think,
The opinions they’ll have,
The pictures captured,
I’d love you to try this.
 
Remind yourself,
It’s not about me.
My role today is to show up fully in my body,
Stay present,
Share who I am with those I love,
And create space for others to do the same.
 
My role is to be a part of the memories that make our lives full,
To connect with those around me,
To be a part of their story,
And as part of that story,
Show up as how I want to be remembered.
 
What’s that thrown around Maya quote?
Angelou, not Jama,
No offence Love Island I’m sure you belt out some cracking quotes to go down in history too. 
 
People will forget what you said,
People will forget what you did,
People will forget what you wore and how your body looked*,
But people will never forget how you made them feel.
 
I’m always here,
Em x
 
*correct this was my essential addition I’m sorry to blasphemise Maya but needs must on a Friday in British summertime