Is it dysregulation?

I was back balls deep in a tub of ice cream this week,
Literally balls deep,
It was boba ice cream,
We all know that want those little tapioca balls of heaven in your gob.
 
I demolished the whole tub after working a 14 hour day,
Completely aware of my choice to do so,
My decision to skip the gym for another day,
Instead spooning the black tea-flavoured iced madness into my mouth as I replied to my emails.
 
As I did this, I got curious,
As I encourage all of you to do,
Why am I eating this entire tub when I’m not hungry?
And for a split second I thought,
Must be your nervous system babe. 
 
That’s what Instagram would have told me if I’d opened it up,
But I didn't because #mindfuleating
My timeline currently being filled with ‘self-regulation’,
Reminders that I must remain in my window of tolerance before making decisions,
That nothing can truly make sense unless I am down from that space of fight or flight.
 
In many cases this is so incredibly true,
I’ve used the phrase ‘regulation’ so many times in my emails that I'm awaiting an affiliate link,
20% off ashwghanda for every person that blames their nervous system for their actions,
50% when they blame their choice in men on it. 
 
Our nervous system is central to many of our responses and behaviours,
And I saw something this week that said,
The true measure of success is a regulated nervous system,
And of course,
I’m at least 50% on board with that.
 
But not everything is a result of dysregulation,
A trauma response,
Due to your attachment style,
A manifestation of unmet needs.
 
I didn’t eat that ice cream because I was dysregulated,
I ate it because I was tired and it was delicious,
And I’d do it all over again. 
 
I’m seeing this narrative slip in and dare I say,
I find it really disempowering,
It's moving us away from autonomy,
A story that says,
It’s not your fault,
It’s your nervous system.
 
There is no fault in these types of decisions,
I don’t think it’s my fault I ate that tub of ice cream,
It was however,
My choice to prioritise instant gratification over long-term consequences,
To eat instead of stop working when I was tired.
 
Even if our choices are a result of dysregulation,
Falling into these narratives 100% of the time often reduces the likelihood of us to taking action,
Moves us away from extreme ownership,
And towards a feeling of disempowerment.
 
Sometimes we have bad habits,
Prioritise instant gratification,
Procrastinate,
Don’t want to do hard things,
Or even slightly challenging things,
So we hide behind trending terminology to justify that.
 
There’s no shame in any of these things,
We all love instant gratification,
Why do you think Instagram reels last less than 3 seconds?
We all get something from our bad habits sometimes,
It's one reason they're so hard to break.

We all know the quest I had for red flags I had from the time I was old enough to drink white lightening in the park with my friends,
And of course it was largely due to introjected values and my attachment style,
But it was still completely within my control once I had the awareness.
 
We all have unhelpful habits,
And sure,
They may have been built at a challenging time in our lives,
But they’re still habits over which we have some control.
 
Be aware of your regulation,
Aware of your needs and attachment styles,
Your habits of reaching for food when you’re bored,
Of running from men waving white flags,
Your tendency to procrastinate when overwhelmed,
Then take action on it.
 
Self-soothe,
Up-regulate,
Notice the needs you’re trying to meet with that unhelpful habit and meet them elsewhere,
Name your limiting beliefs and act to provide evidence against them,
Do all of these things.
 
But don’t let those things become your predominant vocabulary,
Your self fulfilling prophecy,
Your constant reason for inaction,
A self-pathologising narrative that serves only to hold you back.
 
Compassionate awareness first,
Action second,
And when you mess up,
Which you will,
Reflect,
Iterate,
Take more action,

There is no space for pathologising to take over your entire being,
It will simply leave you stagnant,
And whilst I'm all for creating space for silliness and simply being,
If you have a goal,
It will require hard work,,
And a hell of a lot of action.

Something to think about...
 
Have a lovely weekend,
I’m always here to provide your accountability if those goals are food, body or business related,
Em x