I choose emotional eating
The emotional support croissant
Like a croissant
Only holier
As I strolled past my favourite bakery yesterday, dysregulated, anxious, exhausted and guilt-ridden, I saw one remaining croissant in the window. Not just any croissant, an almond pain au chocolate. A top tier croissant.
I actually stopped buying pastries a few weeks ago. And cakes. Not a hard and fast rule, and for sure some slipped through my general vibe (did you know they sell Colin the Caterpillar as small singular cakes next to the meal deals now?). But overall, I’ve been buying fewer baked goods.
Not because I'm trying to be 'good' (that ship sailed at 15 when I discovered boys and blue wicked)
Truth be told, I realised I wasn’t getting the incredible joy from them anymore. Pastries used to be an incredibly mindful experience for me, even when I was having them daily in the final months of being preggo. Doughnuts similar, a moment of calm and utter delicious joy with every bite.
More recently, I’d gotten into a routine of daily baked goods and although delicious, I wasn’t getting the same oomph from them anymore. It was like, each day was no longer a first bite, but a last bite (which as we know, is rarely as good as the first).
So I made a bit of a deal with myself. I had unconditional permission to buy any baked goods I wanted, if I really did want them.
As a result, I dropped down to 0-2 or so per week. I found myself filling up on bigger, more nutrient dense meals. Looking into the windows of my favourite bakeries and shrugging (except at the Gochuang buns at the vegan place near me, they never warrant a shrug, and always warrant a hurried purchase).
Until yesterday. When I tried to leave my baby with a Nanny for the first ever time. Christ alive, it was traumatic all round. Afterward, all I wanted was some emotional support
I had my cheese on toast, wrapped us both up in our snuggliest clothes, got a hot drink and went out into nature. As he slept, I wept. Then listened to my favourite lols podcast.
Still feeling emotionally damaged (first time for everything), my eyes met the croissant remaining in the window.
It was the emotional first aid I was looking for
And let me tell you, did that soothe me more than anything else
You see, despite helping 1000s of people overcome emotional eating, I am a big proponent of emotional eating sometimes. It is legit a lovely, comforting coping mechanism in times of need
I also cried. Voice noted my friends. Prolonged exhale breathed. Spoke to my other mum friends. To my mum. Cuddled Ohtli more than usual. Stared at the blue sky. Got out in nature. Moveed my body. Ate a nourishing meal. Wrote out my feelings in this email.
I self-regulated in every manner possible at that time. Including, eating an emotional support croissant (and Tony’s chocolate as I type because if you know you know)
But I had to become more mindful of my daily choices in order to ge the emotional support from that croissant. I doubt it would have had the same soothing impact if I was still hammering a pastry and a cake very day
You see I’ve created a balance, where I no longer overeat and have found a peaceful way to emotionally eat, without creating food rules, whilst allowing myself to eat all foods should I really want
Take this gentle reminder to this weekend, become aware of your habits and ask yourself: how are these habits serving me? Am I being flexible with changing them or am I hoping that this time, a hard fixed rule will be the answer? Deep down… is that right for me?
Have a lovely weekend,
I’m always here,
Em
