Before we go any further, let’s define what the “mental load” actually means. Many people assume it encompasses physical acts - things like cleaning the house, picking up and dropping off kids at their various commitments, doing the weekly household grocery shop. But in reality, it’s the invisible things, the constant thinking and preparing that sets up these tasks in the first place, and allows the bigger things to happen. Tasks like remembering to restock the dishwashing soap before you run out, keeping an ongoing list of grocery items you need to pick up for the household, planning the weekly meals for the family, working out how to reduce the cost of your grocery shop by figuring out how to re-use the same ingredients multiple times, organising playdates for your children and considering how they’ll get there, scheduling commitments for family members so they’re not double-booked. One study defined the mental load as the responsibility of “anticipating needs, identifying options for filling them, making decisions and monitoring progress.” As you can see, the mental load is largely unseen and unacknowledged. It regularly takes up more time, capacity and mental headspace than the bigger “tasks” themselves, and it almost always exclusively (or largely) falls to women.

This constant juggling of the mental load on top of a woman’s other roles and commitments, work obligations, societal expectations, social activities, pursuit of health goals (the list goes on) regularly leads to overwhelm and burnout, which have negative consequences on the health and well being of many women. The mental load many women bear each day, including the need to constantly think about, plan and care for family members and people around them, can have profound implications on a woman’s ability to prioritise her wellbeing and achieve her own health goals. While this burden may take a subtle toll on her health initially, the cumulative effect over time can significantly sabotage her efforts to achieve and maintain her health goals.

The resulting stress, burnout, and variety of health challenges the mental load contributes to, as well as the time and energy it demands of women, can make it much harder for women to prioritise, make time for, and achieve their health goals. Let’s look at how a woman’s capacity to thrive, both physically and emotionally, is subtly but significantly impacted by the mental load and societal expectations placed upon her from the moment she’s born. By investigating these effects, we’ll also consider practical ways to better manage the imbalanced demands women face.

1. Juggling endless competing demands and tasks.

Despite the progress we claim to have made in moving towards greater gender parity over recent decades, research shows women are still responsible for far more of the mental load, including caring responsibilities and household tasks, than males. They’re the assumed carer, the person other family members go to for help or support. They run the home and all that goes along with it - even things like thinking about when new toilet paper will be needed, to thinking about what to cook for dinner that will satisfy each family member. You might notice something about many of these tasks: they’re largely invisible, unappreciated tasks. 

We rarely give thought to the amount of time, energy, effort and thought space that goes into things like planning meals which cater to everyone’s preferences and dietary requirements, thinking about how every family member will get to their respective activities on time, considering when household supplies need replenishing. These are all things that mostly go unacknowledged - meaning women who are the designated carers of their household tend to take on so much additional unpaid, unrecognised work compared to the rest of their family.

Then, add to this the burden of employed work… While some women focus all their time on the household and mental load demands thrust upon them, others have to add paid work into the mix too. Not only does this place even more strain on a woman, requiring her to juggle all her competing responsibilities, it also takes up a huge amount of her time. This means those “other” tasks (the mental load) - which are arguably equally as important as her paid job - end up eating into her own time, replacing any opportunity for self-care, time alone, or time spent doing things purely for her pleasure and joy.

The overlapping demands of work, family and personal commitments can also leave many women feeling as though they’re always “on duty”, making it near impossible to fully disengage or relax. This can contribute to physical and mental exhaustion over time.

You can see how it becomes a spiral… More and more responsibilities, less and less time for herself or the things she enjoys. This can result in a woman neglecting her health - using the time she’d like to spend in the gym or practising mindfulness to instead run around after the rest of the household, putting other family members before herself and prioritising their health and happiness. This leaves little time for her to relax, unwind and de-stress. The physical and mental consequences of the overwhelming mental load can cause significant fatigue and burnout over time, impairing a woman’s emotional and physical health as a result.

2. Women have to consider their safety… all the time.

While this doesn’t exclusively apply to females, women do tend to spend a significant amount of time and energy worrying about and planning for their safety. The need to be alert and cautious - whether it’s while she’s out at a bar and protecting her drink, going on a first date with someone she met online, holding her phone and bag in a crowded area, or walking home in the dark through empty streets - is a mental load or burden all of its own. The facts reveal an unfortunate truth: women are more vulnerable to violence and abuse than most males - especially when it comes to domestic abuse. This leaves many women feeling as though they don’t have control over their own safety or lives, and needing to maintain a constant state of hypervigilance and wariness as they navigate the world around them.

This constant awareness of womens’ safety extends beyond their external environment too. Many women feel unsafe in their own homes, due to violence, alcohol or drug abuse, coercive control, financial abuse, emotional or psychological abuse, the list continues. By virtue of being a female, she is seen as more vulnerable, or easier prey. And as a result, she’s had to adjust her behaviour accordingly - being constantly on the lookout, scanning for signs of danger, feeling the endless tension and preparedness that comes with never truly feeling safe or comfortable in her environment. It’s evident in the way many media outlets continue to shame and blame victim-survivors of horrific crimes - using excuses like “Dressed that way, she was asking for it,” or “What did she expect when she led him on like that?” to place the blame on the unwilling object of an attack. This leaves women feeling alone and unsupported, and doubting their own actions and contributions to their vulnerability. It’s something no one - woman, man or otherwise - should ever be subject to.

This fear and vulnerability can take a serious toll on a woman’s physical and mental health. It leaves many women in a constant state of fight or flight, triggering their stress response and causing excessive production of the stress hormone, cortisol. This has flow-on consequences, wreaking havoc on a whole host of other hormones, causing hormonal imbalances and various other health consequences. Not to mention the sheer exhaustion that results from needing to be on-guard all the time… 

3. Women face many societal expectations and pressures outside of their workload and mental load too.

Think about some of the greatest expectations women contend with every day of their lives… They’re expected to look a certain way, act a certain way, dress a certain way. They have to fit into very rigid and prescriptive beauty standards to be considered “worthy”, but they can never be seen as “trying too hard”. They have to be a natural beauty, but are pressured to enhance their physical features wherever necessary. They have to be thin, but not too skinny; muscly, but not bulky. They have to put the needs of everyone else before their own, but also find time to get to the gym and eat healthily to manage their weight. They have to be social, but dedicate copious amounts of time to their family and work. The expectations are endless and conflicting and impossible. And they’re wreaking havoc on women’s health.

These societal expectations - particularly those around how women should look, move and eat - appear to be “promoting” their health. But in reality, these have little to do with the true meaning of health. Unless you define “healthy” as inhabiting a small body, they bear little resemblance to genuine health goals. In fact, these societal demands often compromise a woman’s health - requiring her to eat and move in ways that may be counteractive to her health goals. For example, expecting women to eat as little as possible and shrink their bodies until they’re as tiny as possible is not supporting health. This can interfere with a regular menstrual cycle and healthy hormone production, plus it can leave women with no energy to go about their daily lives. It’s emotionally taxing, sending the very clear message that a woman is not enough unless she’s conventionally “beautiful”.

Even if a woman does manage to achieve this coveted title of “beautiful”, the pressure to maintain it is unsustainable. The expectations so readily thrust upon women are hugely compromising their health, replacing true, positive health goals with appearance-related aspirations which often oppose what good mental and physical health actually looks like.

Let’s consider some of the consequences of the mental load and external pressures forced upon women, and how these affect a woman’s mental and physical health and hinder her pursuit of genuine health goals.

4. They cause immense stress and anxiety.

Juggling the mental (and invisible) load, societal expectations and all the many other daily requirements of life is often overwhelming, demanding and all-consuming. Similarly, feeling constantly on-alert and fearful for your safety, and spending copious amounts of time fruitlessly attempting to meet the expectations and demands society places on women is exhausting. The resulting stress and anxiety, built up over time from navigating these competing pressures, has a huge impact on a woman’s health and wellbeing. Add to this the fact that women are more likely to internalise their stress than men, and you can clearly see how this ongoing struggle can lead to anxiety, depression, or other mental health conditions.

If stress is left unchecked for a period of time, it can result in high levels of cortisol, which interferes with a woman’s healthy production of many other hormones. As we’ve touched on already, this can cause hormonal imbalances, and may lead to a whole host of other health problems including menstrual cycle irregularities, anxiety, inflammation, poor immune function and even digestive discomfort or disturbances. Some women are more vulnerable to the effects of stress than others, experiencing symptoms like nausea, constipation or diarrhoea, bloating, fatigue and low energy levels. Over time, prolonged and excessive stress can cause burnout and exhaustion, further interfering with a woman’s health and ability to pursue or achieve her health goals.

When a woman is stressed, not only does she experience the physical consequences, she is also less likely to prioritise her own health goals. She feels overwhelmed, and has less time to spend exercising, preparing healthy meals, or doing things that benefit her emotional and mental wellbeing. The ongoing impacts of stress on mental health can be severe, leaving women feeling isolated, overwhelmed and unsupported. Instead of prioritising her health and goals, life becomes about survival for a woman feeling this way. It’s a huge barrier to women improving their wellbeing, and achieving whatever health goals they want to work towards.

5. Poor sleep.

Compounding and prolonged stress can also significantly impact a woman’s sleep. It can leave her lying awake at night, her brain filled with thoughts of what she has to do tomorrow, what she didn’t manage to get done that day, how she should be supporting each member of her family. She may also find herself waking regularly throughout the night, unable to get the deep, uninterrupted sleep she so desperately needs.

Inadequate sleep - either in terms of time or quality - has huge negative consequences on a woman’s health. While it naturally leads to fatigue and exhaustion, it also means she can’t recover properly after a demanding day or a workout, her body isn’t undergoing many important repair processes that would normally occur as she sleeps, and her cognitive function is impaired, leaving her unable to think clearly and feeling even more overwhelmed. Poor sleep also increases the risk of many diseases over time, including heart disease, diabetes, obesity, depression and stroke.

Of course, when a woman is extremely tired, she can’t show up fully for the people in her life. And she certainly doesn’t show up for herself. Her attempts to put on a brave face and look after everyone around her only drain her energy further, leaving her own cup more and more empty - and making her less able to prioritise (or even consider) her own health.

Inadequate sleep makes it much harder to deal with the demands of daily life. Everything feels more stressful and overwhelming. A tired, sleep-deprived woman no longer has the energy or inclination to move her body, or seek out nourishing foods and meals. Instead, she’s more likely to opt for high-sugar, high-fat foods which provide a quick hit of energy, before bringing her crashing back down to exhaustion quickly afterwards. 

These factors all add up to an increasingly exhausted woman, who is unable (physically and mentally) to prioritise her health, or make decisions and actions that align with her health goals.

6. Emotional distress and poor mental health.

Juggling all these expectations, roles and pressures has a detrimental effect on the mental health of many women. Feeling a constant need to “earn” the acceptance and approval of society is a huge burden to carry, as is the expectation to be everywhere for everyone around you, and to somehow find time amongst it all to consider your own safety and wellbeing.

If left unsupported, women can experience serious mental health consequences as a result of the incessant mental load and societal expectations they bear. They may find themselves emotionally volatile, experiencing mood swings, low mood, anxiety or depression, and becoming increasingly vulnerable to stress and overwhelm.

All of the pressures a woman navigates are impossible to “achieve”. She’s never “finished” working towards any of them - they’re simply never-ending expectations she has to contend with.

This can leave many women feeling as though they’re failing in their pursuit of perfectionism. When they aren't able to be “perfect” at everything all of the time, they begin to criticise and condemn themselves.

When they can’t meet the unrealistic body expectations of society, they feel unworthy of love. When they can’t fulfil every tiny demand and request of those around them, they feel like they’re letting others down and failing at their responsibilities. All of these experiences can lead to low self-esteem and self-worth. 

The mental load essentially sets women up to fail, and then punishes them accordingly. It convinces a woman that her achievements determine her worth - things like the size of her body, her ability to put everyone else first, her success in keeping a household running smoothly while maintaining her day job. The mental critique that comes as the result of being unable to achieve each of these consistently can lead to low self-worth.

When a woman feels worthless and unlovable, she’s even less likely to prioritise her health and wellbeing. Feeling as though she’s already a failure, it seems futile to worry about her own health and goals. She starts to neglect her self-care practices, she no longer has time to exercise, she doesn't care what she’s eating or putting into her body. She doesn’t make time for mindfulness practices, or the things that bring her joy. She doesn’t have time to commit to these - instead, she focuses her efforts on attempting to “make up for” her shortcomings, and prove her worth to others…even though she doesn’t believe she’s worthy herself.

Poor mental health is a measure of wellbeing all of its own. Even if a woman were able to maintain good physical health, this means nothing if it comes at the expense of her happiness and emotional health. Not only does poor mental health reflect the opposite of health, it also again interferes with her willingness and ability to pursue her physical health goals too.

7. Physical complications.

Ongoing fear, stress and anxiety can increase a woman’s risk of cardiovascular disease, elevating her heart rate and blood pressure which can place a significant strain on the cardiovascular system over time.

Fear can also result in physical symptoms like muscle tension or pain. Being in a constant state of high alert can cause chronic muscle tension, headaches and back pain - though a woman juggling all the demands placed upon her is often unlikely to make time to address these concerns. As a result, her health may slowly deteriorate, leaving her less able to work towards her health goals, and compromising her physical and mental wellbeing.

8. Relationship problems.

The constant strain and pressure a woman may experience when juggling the mental load in addition to her other responsibilities can result in behavioural changes, and conflict or problems in her relationships. She may begin to adopt avoidance behaviours, avoiding certain situations or activities out of fear. She may begin to withdraw from those closest to her, feeling too overwhelmed to socialise, or believing she should commit the time she’d spend connecting with others to instead ticking some of the many things off her to-do list. She may develop growing resentment, towards herself and others, due to the sheer overwhelm, exhaustion and lack of relief she’s experiencing. She may find herself left with no energy to socialise or invest in the people she loves.

Any of these scenarios (or multiple at once) can reduce a woman’s willingness to engage in social interactions, causing her to isolate and withdraw. This further contributes to mental health problems, and has a detrimental impact on her wellbeing. Impairing her motivation, capacity and energy to pursue her health goals, while also contributing to her belief she’s “not enough, so why bother trying?”, the pressure the mental load places on her relationships can interfere with her prioritising of both her mental and physical health.

As you can see, the mental load affects women in many more subtle, pervasive and concerning ways than most people are aware of. It’s more than the constant juggling causing overwhelm and fatigue - each consequence of the endless expectations placed upon women significantly interferes with her ability to prioritise her wellbeing, and to work towards or achieve her health goals - whatever they may be.

But all hope is not lost! If you’re struggling with the burden of the mental load, and finding it’s having a negative impact on your health and wellbeing, try the following strategies:

• Speak up for yourself. Advocate for your needs, and never feel ashamed to ask for help or support. You are entitled to have needs - and to voice them! Don’t expect others to read your mind. Tell them specifically how they can help you, and then allow them to do so without feeling guilty.

• Set boundaries and accept that you can’t do everything. Speak to the people in your life who you feel responsible for, or play a carer role towards, and explain to them that you can only achieve so much. With kindness, ask them to stop demanding so much of you all the time, and request they help you out with some of the many demands on your plate if they’re capable. Delegate, outsource, do whatever you can to lighten your load - and feel proud of yourself for doing so! You deserve help and support, you just have to ask for it.

• Prioritise the supportive relationships in your life. Carve out time to spend with people who leave you feeling loved, supported, seen. Realise this time isn’t “wasted”, or better spent on your to-do list. It’s time spent filling up your cup, giving you the energy and care you need to function each day. If you notice the urge to withdraw and isolate from the close people in your life, take the opposite action. Lean into connection, reach out to a loved one and plan a catch up. Share with them how you’re feeling, and voice your reluctance to be around people right now. Let them reassure and remind you that you deserve to feel loved and supported, and spending time with people who bring you joy is a fundamentally important aspect of this.

• Practice self-compassion. Forgive yourself when you inevitably fall short of the unachievable and numerous expectations and demands you juggle daily. Recognise you’re human, and you can only do so much. It’s not your responsibility to satisfy the societal demands you compete with - and aiming to do so only fuels the cycle further. Take a stand, define your own priorities and values, and don’t let the media or people around you dictate what you should commit your time and energy towards.

• Separate your worth from your body and appearance, and your ability to “get things done”. You’re a human being, not a human doing. You’re trying your best, and that’s always enough. Don’t fall into the trap of aiming for perfectionism, and then beating yourself up when you inevitably fall short. Instead, work on recognising and praising all that you do do, and look to source your self-worth from places outside of your body and achievements. Consider why the people in your life love you… They adore who you are, and how you make them feel. They don’t care if your body is a size larger or smaller (and if they do, they’re not deserving of your love and care anyway!). Learn to realise you’re worthy of love and acceptance purely because you’re a human, and you care about those around you - not because you meet the unrealistic and endless expectations of society. You are enough. Just as you are.

• Make mental health a priority. One of the traps many women fall into is focusing solely on physical health - after all, society tells you to do so. It’s more important how you look than how you feel, according to what we’re taught. But you cannot be healthy unless your mental and physical health are in check. Reach out to mental health care professionals if you’re able, or speak to a trusted friend or family member. Share how you’re feeling and what you’re struggling with. Ask them for help. Develop a mindfulness practice and make it a non-negotiable part of your day, remembering it‘s always time well-spent. Give yourself the space to reflect, and to identify how you’re really feeling and what you need to support your mental wellbeing. Then, remind yourself: you deserve whatever it is that you need. So go after it!

• Remember, you can’t show up for others if you don’t show up for yourself first. Many women are taught to put everyone else before themselves, leading them to neglect their own health, self-care and happiness. But the best thing you can do to fill up the cups of those around you? Fill yours first! It’s never a waste of time to prioritise doing something for yourself. Make it a regular habit, and don’t allow yourself to swap it out for the “to-dos”. You deserve and need this time, so enjoy it!

The mental load is a very real, very consuming weight placed upon many women. If you relate strongly to the experiences we’ve touched on, you’re not alone - we see you, and we support you. But if you resist the demands and expectations of society by reframing your sources of self worth, and committing to prioritising your mental and physical health as much as your other responsibilities, you can begin to combat the consequences it poses to your wellbeing. Don’t let society dictate how you show up in the world or how you spend your time - commit to you, investing some of your precious time and energy into the health practices and habits that help you feel your best every day.