Managing the fear of social judgement

You’re like a different person when you’re alone,
My new friend said,
As we skinny dipped at 4am on the coast of Estoril,
Swam silently in the still of the Atlantic ocean,
Under the new moonlight,
Between the quaint fishing boats and the deserted sandy shore.

It sounds as though I’m romanticising,
Doesn’t it?
But it was actually that idyllic,
And a perfect way to rinse the 12 margaritas from my soul.

I’m an introvert,
Naturally a little socially awkward,
Very much inherently shy,
And when I’m around large groups of people,
I am not the most confident in the room.

I struggle to show my dark humour,
My wit,
To voice my opinion,
And I am never the loudest in the room.

It takes a little time to get to know me,
Or some social lubrication and getting naked in the sea,
And until that point,
You might think I’m just a bit 'normal',
Whilst I sit and over-analyse everything that comes out of my mouth,
If anything comes out at all.

Before any events,
A holiday,
Birthday,
Wedding,
I hear you worry,
‘How do I manage in my different body?’

I feel self-conscious,
I don’t want to take pictures,
I’ve changed.

But here’s the thing,
Many of us have a moment of worry about how we’ll show up to these things,
We mull over our outfit choices,
Hope that they'll think we're funny,
That we’ll be confident enough to have a good time.

We don’t need to add our bodies to the mix.

I’ve developed some tools to support my social awkwardness,
And I’m going to share them with you,
Because you’re missing out on life by being preoccupied with yourself,
That’s assuming you of course even attend at all.

Do you really want to spend an entire party obsessing over yourself?
Over how your body looks,
The fear of having a photo taken,
Or worry over a judgement that hasn’t even happened,
But is merely a story in your head?

Instead of asking,
What will they think of me?
Ask yourself,
How do I want to show up?

Instead of asking,
Do I look good enough?
Ask yourself,
How do I want this person to feel around me?

Instead of worrying,
What if I have nothing to say?
Ask yourself,
What do I want to know about this person?

Before you go,
Check in with yourself,
Affirm who you are and what you offer,
And dare I be so cliché as to say,
Look at yourself in the eyes,
In the mirror,
And remind yourself of that.

I do it,
I say to myself,
I’m confident,
I’m funny,
I’m a calm energy,
I’m aware.

None of this has anything to do with our bodies,
Does it?
How we communicate,
Interact,
Make connections.

Don’t make me remind you of the importance of connection,
Of its direct relationship to health,
It’s ability to transform your mood,
To literally reduce your mortality risk.

I urge you,
Before any sort of event,
Get out of your own head,
Stop thinking solely about yourself,
Consider what truly matters in that moment.

Because as Maya Angelou reminds us.
People will forget what you said,
People will forget what you did,
But people will never forget how you made them feel.

My version?
People will forget what you wore,
People will forget the shape of your body,
But people will never forget how you showed up around them

Gosh I know,
I'm probably related to her.