Emotional systems and your emotional eating

My bra was so tight on Tuesday,
The type of tight that you know is going to leave that indentation on your ribs,
That rubs on your bones when you take a deep breath in,
Problem being of course,
That I wasn’t wearing a bra.

That my friends,
Was a feeling of anxiety.
I’m fine (genuinely),
Before you start to worry,
I’ve just got a lot to mull over and organise,
And if anything causes me anxiety,
It’s organising my albeit entertaining personal life.

It got me thinking,
Because the ghost bra was a warning sign for me,
One that I was v grateful for,
It jerked me into action.

I needed to give myself a wee soothe,
Or I’d find myself labia-deep in a concoction of insomnia and stress,
None of which I’ve got time for.

What’s a wee soothe?
I hear you ask.
You’ll be pleased to know,
That although I could certainly be referring to muffin buttering,
Auditioning the finger puppets,
It’s not that kind of email today.

When I say ‘soothe’,
I’m referring to one of our 3 emotional regulation systems,
Which when unbalanced,
Leave us in a hole deeper and darker than those of the scroll variety.

You can think of your 3 emotional systems like this.
Threat: aims to protect us from physical or non-physical threats by preparing to run; worrying; self-criticism; cortisol and adrenaline-filled
Drive: aims to motivate us to achieve; reward based; excitement, focus; dopamine producing (mimicked by stimulants)
Soothe: helps manage stress and bond with others; contentment; safety; trust; opiates and oxytocin producing (mimicked by alcohol).

Although we manage our emotions by switching between them,
Most of our challenges to the way we think,
And usually,
Our relationship with food and our bodies,
Are caused by an overuse of the threat and drive systems,
And by proxy,
An underuse of the soothing system.

Take a second,
If I asked you to work out how much time you spend in each ‘system’,
What would your answer be?

This isn’t rhetorical,
Actually take a second,
Then keep reading.

The drive system is interesting,
Because you think,
It sounds great, right?
So much reward for achieving,
But it can become problematic.

Like we know when someone with disordered eating adheres to a rigid dietary rule,
The self-prescribed achievement that comes with meeting that rule is rewarded by dopamine,
It’s created an unhealthy habit yet gives us reward.

Or we work 14 hour days and achieve that career win,
We get the dopamine hit,
Then determine we must always work that hard and always succeed,
Which is impossible.

When you’ve got these habits as part of your drive system,
The rigid ones,
They’re more often than not driven by the need to avoid threat,
Often the want to avoid failure, rejection,
So we spend all our time oscillating between threat and drive.

Let’s revisit what I said earlier,
Many mental health disturbances,
Including your relationship with food,
Are triggered from spending too much time in these 2 systems.

Remember soothing gives us a calming feeling,
Oxytocin and dopamine,
A combo we can’t get from the others,
And if we’re not making any time for that?

We look for quick fixes to get the hit,
Easy sources of self soothing,
We look to food…

If there is one thing almost all of you need to do more of it’s soothing.

Make a list now,
Of all the soothing activities you actively do,
And commit to doing at least one,
Every single day.

Mine?
Meditation,
Moisturising,
Beauty treatments,
Reading,
The Katherine Ryan podcast,
Grey’s anatomy,
Skateboarding,
Walking by the beach,
Coffee dates with my best friend,
Candle-light dinners,
Writing,
Polishing the pearl,
Journaling,
Yoga.

That’s only 50% of what I do,
But I don’t want to bore you for much longer,
That’s how essential it is to my wellbeing,
To my relationship with food.

I can’t stress this enough,
Make a list.
Commit.
Stop being a martyr…