Do You Struggle With A Lack Of Confidence?
I watched in horror as the vial of blood flew across the room and exploded against the lab island, upon which thousands of pounds of elite sport testing equipment lay
The victim from which I’d extracted said blood continued to cycle on the stationary bike, mask on collecting the gas he released on every exhale (from his mouth) but turned around and I swear I lost sight of his pupils when his eyes rolled back in disbelief
I’d run a VO2max test approximately 150 times since I’d started my career in sports biomedicine, having taken 3 times as many blood samples at minimum, in 2 different countries, at all levels of athletic ability
But this time was different. This time, my supervisor at the English Institute of Sport (one of the best elite athlete support teams in the country) was giving me a quick, informal assessment with no real outcome (other than the one I’d created in my head that my skill during this test determined if I’d ever get a job in elite sport the one job I’d worked towards for 5 years and at the time, desperately wanted)
I hadn’t slept for more than 3-4 hours the night before. I was simply too anxious.
What if it went wrong? What if I wasn’t good enough? What if I failed? What if he realised what I already knew, that I wasn't as good as they thought? What if I threw an entire vial of blood across the lab?
Turns out, a lack of sleep in combination with severe nerves and anxiety results in all of those things (alongside 2 very large underarm sweat patches)
Turns out, my lack of confidence and stories in my own head messed up the opportunity more than my lack of skill ever would
That was 12 years ago
And a mistake I repeated in some form or another for most of my 20s life
I don’t know why I lose control of my limbs when I’m nervous but I must now apologise to my old boss and lecturer friends given I threw the pointer at them mid interview as I spoke about the effects of vitamin d deficiency in athletes
I’ve spent a lot of time this week talking to coaches about confidence, or their lack thereof, and how it’s holding them back from being as successful as they’d like
About how to gain confidence and take action
But here’s the reality
You don’t get confident by choosing to be confident. You get confident by doing things even when you’re scared, and realising that you don’t die when you fuck them up
By recognising that courage is fear walking (I’m quoting myself from this podcast but also quoting one of my favourite thought leaders. Susan David)
That even throwing a vial of your supervisors blood across the only room you ever wanted to work in) doesn’t ruin your career
Waiting for the confidence to do things without taking necessary action to give yourself the confidence is about as useful as a juicy raw steak in a vegan restaurant
It’s not a lack of confidence you struggle with, it’s a lack of bravery
If you’re reading this, you’re one of the elite beings devoted to being your best, most courageous and compassionate self, right?
You want to be more confident, be braver
So make like Brene as she reminds us of her morning routine as she steps out of bed and affirms to herself:
“Today I will choose courage over comfort. I can’t make any promises for tomorrow, but today I will choose to be brave.”
I don’t know about you, but that sounds far more appealing (and productive) than waiting 90 minutes for my first hit of caffeine and burning my retina off with the sunlight like every man on a podcast
Because a lack of confidence can lead to two distinct outcomes
The first, feeling the fear and doing it anyway, accepting that even failure is a step forwards compared to not even trying and possibly achieving something you never thought possible
The second, not even trying and instead, blaming your lack of confidence for all you don’t achieve
Yours,
A peer in natural lack of confidence who took a decade to figure it out for herself and hopes you don’t take so long
Em x
