This is often the case during recovery from eating disorders or disordered eating patterns, or even when you attempt to implement some kind of significant change to your diet, fitness routine or lifestyle. While you may realise these changes are important and beneficial, you’ll likely come up against mental hurdles and fears around relinquishing control and enacting change all the same.

For people in recovery, many different things can feel scary and trigger this fear response. Things like weight gain, loss of control or identity, rejection, social isolation, the list goes on. While most of these are perceived and psychological fears, they trigger the same fear response as your body would produce if you came face-to-face with a lion in the wild. They trigger a fight, freeze or flight reaction - which often means you end up “running away” or avoiding the source of your fear. The human brain is programmed to seek out safety at any cost, which means it wants to stick to the familiar, or your “comfort zone” - even if that means preventing you from making positive changes towards improving your relationship with food and your body. If you leave these fears unchecked and unchallenged, they can consume you and keep you from making any progress or change in your life. 

It’s important to recognise when you feel fear, and learn how to evaluate whether the threat your brain is sensing is truly something you need to flee from and avoid. Then, you can learn to realise that some experiences of fear are healthy and positive, and simply an indication that you’re acting or thinking in new ways. Whenever you attempt to change your “status quo”, you’ll likely feel some fear. But in many of these instances, you can learn to feel the fear and do it anyway… And if you’re able to do so, you may just find yourself conquering fears that once felt insurmountable, and dramatically change your life for the better in doing so.

Let’s explore a few of the common fears that can arise when you try to create behaviour change, like in disordered eating recovery, and some strategies you can use to help you overcome these fears to allow you to implement positive changes in your life.

1. Fear of weight gain.

Many people who have experienced disordered eating or an eating disorder develop an intense fear of gaining weight, or of their body changing. In fact, a 2021 study in the Journal of Eating Disorders found around 80% of people struggling with anorexia nervosa felt significant fear around gaining weight in recovery. Fear of weight gain can significantly delay or disrupt the recovery progress. It’s often closely tied with body image concerns and a perceived belief that weight gain makes you less worthy, loveable or acceptable. It’s crucial you challenge these fears and beliefs so you can continue progressing on your path to recovery.

A fear of weight gain can be a serious hurdle when you’re working on developing a healthier relationship with food and your body. After such a long time spent basing your actions, decisions, thoughts and behaviours around ensuring your body looks a certain way, to relinquish this control and rigidity requires a lot of unlearning and reprogramming.

To work towards overcoming a fear of weight gain, it’s important to first establish a strong support system. Work with a dietitian, therapist and doctor who specialise in eating disorders wherever possible for their guidance and support. Reach out to trusted family and friends if you notice your fear is holding you back from taking positive actions aligned with your recovery goals, and ask them for the perspective you may struggle to see yourself: ask them to remind you that your body and weight do not determine your worth or value in any way!

Then, spend some time educating yourself on the importance of balanced nutrition, and the need to provide adequate fuel for your body. Recognise that each food - even the “less nutritious” ones - plays a valid and important role in your body’s health and your happiness. Work on reframing your health goals, moving away from focusing on your weight, towards aiming to achieve health-related outcomes. Things like feeling more energised during your workouts, eating enough that you feel satisfied after a meal instead of being constantly hungry, leaning into the chance to enjoy spontaneous meals out with loved ones. These are all aligned with physical and emotional health goals - which are far more reflective of good health than your weight or size!

Over time, work on gradually increasing your food intake and exposing yourself to “fear foods”, or items and groups of food you’ve come to avoid and demonise. Keep track of how adequately nourishing your body makes you feel, both physically and emotionally, and start to recognise these benefits are worth fighting the fear for!

2. Fear of losing control.

When introducing changes to your diet or exercise routine, you may come up against an overwhelming fear of losing control. For many people, eating disorders are a way of asserting an illusion of control in their lives (when in reality, they feel hugely out of control and their habits and routines are a way of avoiding these challenging feelings). So it’s no surprise that many people struggling with eating disorders fear losing control over their eating habits and behaviours when attempting to introduce changes. This fear often contributes to growing anxiety, and an unwillingness to stick to treatment plans and goals.

A study published in the Journal of Eating Disorders found the fear of losing control, along with a lack of motivation to change, were among the most significant barriers to recovery. One of the reasons for this is that eating disorders or disordered behaviours often emerge as a coping mechanism, offering a way to avoid underlying emotional or psychological issues or traumas. The thought of “giving up” this coping mechanism can be challenging and scary, and leaves you face-to-face with emotions you may have been avoiding for a significant amount of time. Without the safety net or distraction of your disordered habits, you may feel vulnerable or out of control.

To help you move past these obstacles, start by setting small goals. Instead of approaching recovery or behaviour change in a way that feels overwhelming and unachievable, break down your goals into manageable, small steps and set regular, realistic goals. For example, instead of aiming to introduce all your fear foods into your diet within a week, consider creating a list of your fear foods ordered from the most to least “scary”, and tackle one or two each week - starting with those on the “less scary” end of the spectrum and working your way up. 

All progress is still progress - and it’s often easier to maintain momentum when you’re avoiding the “all or nothing” mentality that many people with disordered eating fall into. Celebrate each success, win and bit of progress along the way to your goals, as this will help you build confidence and belief in your ability to achieve your major milestones.

Developing a structured, step-by-step plan with the support of a professional to help you introduce behaviour change can also help provide a sense of control and predictability. Understanding what allows you to feel like you’re still steering the ship, even when you’re making changes in your life, can allow you to gradually feel more comfortable - even in discomfort.

Implementing a mindfulness practice and working on intuitive eating techniques to improve your awareness of your hunger and satiety cues can also help you release the rigid control you may hold around your eating behaviours. Learning to trust your body’s internal cues can make it easier to let go of the need to control every single element of your diet and exercise routine, and may even help you begin to respect and appreciate your body for what it does, rather than for how it looks.

3. Fear of judgement.

Closely linked to the fear of weight gain is the fear of judgement many people anticipate when in recovery or pursuing behavioural change. A study published in the Eating Behaviours Journal found the fear of judgement and rejection by others, and the belief that negative social consequences were inevitable with weight restoration and recovery, were amongst the biggest barriers and fears surrounding recovery. These beliefs can lead to an unwillingness to seek help and implement positive changes or lifestyle improvements if left unchecked.

If you think about it, society conditions us to celebrate thinness, certain body shapes and sizes, particular ways of eating and moving our bodies. So to challenge these deeply ingrained beliefs can bring up intense fears of being judged, rejected or misunderstood by the people around you.

To combat this fear, surround yourself with supportive, non-judgmental people who accept and embrace you for who you are, including friends, family, and even support groups. Spend time with those who lift you up, and avoid anyone who makes you feel lesser, unworthy, or as though you have to continuously earn their acceptance and love. Avoid comparing yourself against anyone you see on social media or the people in your life, and recognise that everyone’s differences are what makes them special. 

Empower yourself to speak about eating disorders with the people in your life you trust and feel safe around, to help them understand what you’re navigating, and reduce the stigma around eating disorders and how they “should look” in your community.

Seek help from a professional therapist who is trained in eating disorders and can provide a safe, welcoming environment to support your recovery.

4. Fear of failure.

This is an interesting one… Many people experiencing eating disorders or disordered eating become convinced over time that to deviate or “fail” to comply with their disordered behaviours, rules or routines makes them a failure. They’re convinced they’d be failing to meet their excessively high inner standards and expectations of themselves if they made any changes. 

And, on the other side of the spectrum, others fear that failing to stick to their new behaviours or achieve their recovery goals also makes them a failure. Both beliefs can result in significant anxiety and reluctance to continue pursuing recovery and treatment.

To combat this fear, it’s important to recognise that change is not the equivalent of failure. In fact, in most cases it’s the opposite. Change means growth, new possibilities, learning, improvement. 

Resist the all-or-nothing, black-and-white mentality often experienced by eating disorder patients. This way of thinking feeds into the feelings of failure, reiterating that if you’re not achieving your recovery goals easily and consistently, or you’re not sticking to your excessive rigid routines and daily expectations, you’re not doing enough. Instead, focus on progress instead of perfection. Realise that change isn’t linear, and your recovery journey will inevitably be filled with ups and downs. Make sure you’re setting realistic expectations and goals for yourself, allowing for flexibility and revisiting these as necessary. Understand that setbacks are a normal part of recovery, and show yourself compassion when they arise. Instead of dwelling on your “failures”, see each obstacle as a chance to learn about yourself, and the opportunity to rethink your approach and strategy moving forwards.

Developing coping strategies away from food and exercise can also help you manage setbacks and maintain motivation. Things like mindfulness practices (journaling, breathwork, meditation, gentle yoga, whatever it looks like for you!), positive self-talk, cognitive restructuring, engaging in a hobby you love which allows you to quieten your mind, spending time with loved ones - all of these can help you fight back and eventually overcome fears of failure. Instead of relying on your disordered behaviours to self-soothe or deal with uncomfortable emotions, consider these as tools in your toolkit of (healthier) coping strategies. 

Having a wider range of coping strategies allows you the flexibility and perspective to realise you’re not a failure for encountering a setback, or for not being consistently perfect in pursuing your goals. You’re human, just like everyone else, and no human on the planet is capable of perfection at all times. Show yourself the same kindness, forgiveness and empathy you’d show someone else you love if they were in your position.

5. Fear of losing your identity.

If you’ve struggled with disordered eating habits for a long time, your patterns may have become a central part of your identity. You might see yourself as the “healthy one”, the one who always picks the most nutritious meal on the menu, who never takes a day off from the gym, who consistently eats less than everyone around them. But none of these are things to strive for or base your identity around… 

Many people with eating disorders feel huge anxiety around losing their identity if they change their behaviours, relying on their disordered patterns as a central part of their ideas about who they are. While the prospect of changing your behaviours may make you feel like you’re losing or sacrificing a huge part of yourself, try to get curious about who you are beyond your unhealthy patterns, instead of letting the fear consume and control you.

Explore new interests, trying out new activities or hobbies away from eating or exercise. Get excited to discover what you do and don’t like, and lean into the things which light you up and bring you joy. 

Work on building your self-esteem away from your physical appearance and eating habits, and start to judge yourself based on your personal strengths and values, and how well you act in alignment with those values each day. Over time, you’ll begin to build a new sense of identity which isn’t reliant on your food and exercise habits, and you’ll feel like more of a “whole” person. You’ll be secure in the knowledge that your identity can’t crumble at any moment if you have to take a day away from the gym or eat something you wouldn’t normally choose.

Working with a therapist to reflect on your sense of self, and help you develop a new, positive self-identity that isn’t tied to your disordered patterns can be hugely beneficial in overcoming the fear of losing your identity too.

6. Fear of relapse.

Many people’s fear of falling back into old behaviours prevents them from seeking change or progress in the first place, with many eating disorders having a high incidence of relapse due to their recurrent, persistive, habitual natures. After all, if you don’t try to make change, you can’t possibly fail at doing so… meaning many people’s anxiety and fear affects their willingness to begin or maintain long-term treatment.

To fight back against this fear and prevent it from hindering your commitment to recovery, start by developing a plan you can turn to as a backup in the event you do slip back into old habits. Work with a therapist, dietitian or doctor to come up with some strategies you can turn to if you notice early warning signs of relapse, or if you’re feeling the pull of the disordered voice in your head becoming too strong to resist. Build up a strong support system for yourself, even considering finding support groups or health professionals you can lean on to hold you accountable and encourage you to maintain momentum. 

Lastly, start to show yourself more compassion. Treat yourself with kindness, empathy and forgiveness if you do experience setbacks, and recognise that relapse doesn’t mean you’ve failed or you’re back at square one. For every step forward you take, you learn something about yourself, and you add another tool to your recovery toolkit. So even when you feel like you’ve relapsed into unhealthy patterns, you have more strategies, knowledge and determination than you once did, helping you get right back on track and recommit to your health and recovery goals.

Don’t let a fear of relapse hold you back from starting or committing to recovery.

7. Fear of uncertainty.

When your rigid routines and habits around eating and moving your body are all you’ve known of life for some time, any kind of change will come with extreme uncertainty. You may feel afraid of how recovery will affect your future, or how others will perceive the “new” you. Studies have shown that individuals who suffer from eating disorders tend to have a strong intolerance and fear of uncertainty, leaving many people reluctant to fully commit to their recovery.

Uncertainty is scary for anyone, no matter how big or small the change they’re facing. As mentioned earlier, the human brain is programmed to seek out familiarity, safety, repetition. Anything that deviates from this automatically triggers some kind of fear or avoidance in most of us. But instead of letting that fear hold you back, you can feel the fear and choose to create change anyway.

To help you do so, stay focused on the present and your goals. Don’t get caught up worrying about the future, how it looks or what it may hold. So much of our worries about the future are purely speculative, and end up being futile and irrelevant. You can’t predict the future, so don’t waste time, effort and energy trying to do so, or to control it.

There’s a famous saying: “There were many terrible things in my life, and most of them never happened.” This sums up anxiety perfectly; we experience so much fear around what we expect to happen in the future, when most of the time these expectations are unfounded and inaccurate. So focus on the here and now, and on making actions aligned with your health goals every day. This is another time in which mindfulness practices can be incredibly useful and effective, helping you stay grounded, and bringing you back to the present moment when you do find yourself catastrophising or agonising over what the future holds.

Set yourself short-term, achievable and measurable goals, giving you a sense of purpose, direction and control, and each day work towards actualising these. Approach recovery slowly and steadily - it won’t happen overnight, so break it down into manageable actions, focusing on each one at a time. Work with a team of health professionals if you’re able to, and develop a clear, personalised plan for your recovery, addressing any uncertainties when they arise with their support. 

Similar to the fear of losing your identity, let the fear of uncertainty ignite a curiosity in you. Get excited about the chance to rewrite your future, to discover what the future holds without your needing to control every element of it. Surrender to the process of recovery, recognising it will be challenging and scary along the way, but at the end of the process lies a brighter, more colourful and full life than you ever thought possible.

Recovery or behaviour change can feel incredibly scary and daunting, but you can overcome the fears that threaten to hold you back and keep you “stuck” in unhealthy patterns. You are strong and capable, and you’re so much more than your negative patterns or disordered behaviours. Start by building a strong support system, including health professionals, friends and family, who you can be open and honest with and lean on when you need. Feeling supported and cared for is incredibly beneficial in giving you the confidence and determination to face your fears.

Be honest with yourself about your fears, and take the time to write down both your positive and negative thoughts about your recovery or whatever change you’re facing. Don’t deny the negative thoughts or fears - avoidance only perpetuates the fear and enables the unhealthy patterns to continue. Don’t allow your disordered habits or the cruel voice in your head to continue controlling you and your actions. 

Instead, push yourself to confront your fears head-on - because exposure, while it feels scary and anxiety-inducing, can be the best way to teach your brain that whatever fear it’s trying to protect you from may not be as threatening as you perceive… Remember, your brain perceives any emotional, psychological, social or physical threat as equally dangerous, so it’s up to you to move towards that fear in order to prove to yourself that perceived threats are not always scary or negative. Sometimes facing your fears is the best way to achieve positive change, growth and healing.