This is not due to a lack of willpower. It’s the result of a bunch of other factors - and in understanding these influences and how they’re affecting you, you can regain a feeling of control and peace around food.

What is binge eating?

Let’s start off by clarifying what binge eating actually is. It’s more than just overeating. Binge eating refers to when you eat a lot of food in a very short window of time, leaving you feeling like you have no control over how much or what foods you’re shoving down.

It’s important to note that binge eating is also different from binge eating disorder. To be classified as suffering from binge eating disorder, you have to binge eat regularly - at least weekly, over a period of three months or longer. Regardless of whether you have binge eating disorder or you’re simply struggling with occasional bingeing or overeating, this can be very distressing and overwhelming for some people - and often leads to immense feelings of guilt and shame. 

Other symptoms of binge eating, beyond the guilt and shame, include feeling like you can’t stop eating once you start, eating extremely large amounts of food in a short window of time, eating even when you’re full or not hungry, eating super quickly during a binge, eating to the point where you feel uncomfortably full or unwell, eating in secret, and feeling disgusted or embarrassed by your eating habits. Many people who struggle with binge eating also feel very unsatisfied or distressed by their body and appearance - regardless of their size or bodyweight.

One of the key reasons people feel these emotions around their eating patterns is due to the fact they blame themselves for not having the willpower or discipline required to simply stop eating when they’ve had enough, or to choose to only eat the “healthy” foods they’ve given themselves permission to eat. But let’s dive into why overcoming binge eating is almost never as simple as becoming more disciplined…

Factors driving binge eating

The real reason you’re binge eating is likely due to one or a combination of the following factors.

1. You’re stuck in a binge-restrict cycle.

Do you feel like you’re forever attempting a new diet, vowing to “start again” every Monday, or introducing more and more food rules around what you can and can’t eat to control your dietary choices and patterns, or your body size and weight? If so, you’re likely stuck in a binge-restrict mentality, which hugely increases your risk of binge eating.

The idea of eating “perfectly”, of setting yourself a period of time during which you’re only allowed to eat “good” or healthy foods means you begin to view all foods outside of these as bad, forbidden or unhealthy. You start to associate a moral value with foods, believing your own self-worth is somewhat (or even largely) determined by the healthfulness of the foods you’re eating. Suddenly, food becomes really emotionally and morally charged, and you likely spend more and more time thinking about and obsessing over food, planning your next meal, daydreaming about those foods you’re “not allowed” to eat.

And naturally, as soon as you forbid yourself from having something, you biologically crave it so much more. It’s like when you’re younger and your parents ban you from hanging out with the toxic boy from down the road - suddenly, you find yourself obsessing over how you can sneak out to see him, and the idea of him becomes all the more appealing now he’s off limits! The same thing happens with food, your brain begins to obsess over all the foods you’ve decided you’re no longer allowed to eat, until you reach a point where you simply can’t resist their appeal. Inevitably, you give in to the growing cravings… and once you start, it can feel near impossible to stop eating them.

This is because you’ve conditioned your body and brain to believe this “forbidden” food is scarce and not normally available to you. So naturally, when you start to eat it, your body doesn’t know when it will be able to enjoy it again next. As a result, you overcompensate, cramming as much of the food into your mouth as you can, often so quickly you’re barely even tasting or enjoying it.

This is what we call the binge-restrict cycle. You restrict certain types of food, or you aren’t eating enough regularly, to the point where your body rebounds and fights back, causing irresistible cravings to the point where you lose control and find yourself going all out on whatever you were trying to remove from your diet in the first place.

So how do you avoid this scenario? The best way to break the cycle is to work on healing your relationship with food, and giving yourself permission to include all foods as part of a balanced diet. Recognising that there’s no such thing as “perfect eating”, and the foods you choose don’t make you a better or worse person, is essential. 

Your body responds to actual or perceived restriction in the same way - meaning even if you’re eating enough, if you’re limiting the types of foods you’re consuming then your body will still feel threatened. It enters survival mode, increasing your likelihood of bingeing. When it enters this mode, it sends you signals which drive you to consume as much energy as possible, because it’s not sure of when it will reliably get its next adequate meal or source of fuel. As a result, you can become powerless against these urges, and end up bingeing or overeating - most often on high-sugar, high-fat, super palatable foods, as these are the quickest way for your body to access a bunch of calories and energy.

Until you work to leave this state of perceived food deprivation behind and give yourself full permission to eat all foods, your body will keep pushing you into these binge episodes. It’s not a lack of willpower, it’s the opposite: you’re trying to be too controlled, and you're fighting your own biology in doing so. A healthy diet makes room for less “healthful” foods like chocolate and sweets and refined carbohydrates, recognising that as long as you’re getting an abundance of whole foods (like lean protein, healthy fats, fibre, fruits, veggies and complex carbohydrates), these “extras” are perfectly okay to enjoy in moderation! 

In fact, when you fully allow yourself to include these foods when you really feel like them, you’ll probably notice you don’t experience the same guilt or shame after enjoying them. You’ll be able to eat them more slowly, savouring the taste and experience and noticing when you’ve had enough - and feeling like you’re able to stop eating at this point. You’ll also be secure in the knowledge that, whenever the next time you’re craving this food may be, you are allowed to eat it again, so there’s no need to inhale as much as possible in this single sitting. You might find you can enjoy a row or two of Cadbury dairy milk, rather than the full family-sized block, and then return for another few squares later that day or the following without guilt.

2. You’re falling into the trap of all-or-nothing thinking.

On a related note, if you attempt to ban all “unhealthy” foods from your diet, then the moment you allow yourself even a taste of one of these “off-limits” foods, chances are you’ll lose control entirely. You won’t be able to stop after eating a little bit - it becomes an “all-or-nothing” mentality, where you feel like you’ve failed or done something wrong for even eating a little bit, so you throw the rule book out the window and end up bingeing or overeating on the forbidden food.

And, once you’re feeling all that guilt and shame, many people decide they’ve already failed in their food goals for that day, so they may as well go all-in and continue bingeing on all the foods they’re normally not allowed to eat. Often, they’ll tell themselves “I’ll try again tomorrow,” or “I won’t eat this again after today,” - which again initiates that binge-restrict cycle, and perpetuates the all-or-nothing thinking. Studies show perfectionism is also considered a risk factor for developing binge eating symptoms, which again closely links back to this thinking.

In reality, if you allowed yourself all foods in moderation, there would be no need to eat the entire caramel mud cake in one sitting, and then ban yourself from enjoying any again in the future. You’d realise there is no such thing as “perfect” eating. You’d be able to eat one slice, comfortably and safely, and then return to the cake whenever you next really wanted some in the future. There’s no need to eat the entire thing, or none at all. Health and nutrition are about balance, and until you achieve balance and give yourself permission to enjoy and eat all foods, you’re at higher risk of binge eating.

3. Your body needs food.

Just like when your body perceives restriction or deprivation, if it physically experiences this, it will drive you to binge or overeat in a similar way. If you’re not getting enough nourishment from your diet each day or you’re skipping meals, trying to eat less and less, or doing too much movement for the amount of food you’re eating, this sends your body into panic or “starvation” mode. It’s a fight or flight response from your body - because it can no longer rely on getting adequate, nourishing meals regularly in the future. To protect itself, it starts to drive you to get as much energy as possible, and also begins to store your food as fat. Think about it… it’s almost preparing for a sort of “hibernation”, or storing up energy it can rely on as a backup in the event it doesn’t get the fuel it needs from your eating habits. 

Physiologically, you’ll experience greater cravings (again often for those high-energy foods like sugary or fatty foods) and your production of your hunger and stress hormones will increase, physically driving you to eat more and more. This is where binges often happen - you’re trying so hard to resist food (psychologically or physically) that you end up eating far more than you would have if you’d just allowed yourself to eat normally, without restriction.

Your body needs food to function. And it will do whatever it takes to get it. To avoid this trap, it’s important you stop physically restricting your food intake in any way.  Make sure you’re getting enough energy throughout the day (otherwise you’ll likely find yourself bingeing at night to compensate!), and aim to eat regular, balanced meals containing all the key macronutrients you need - your fats, carbs and proteins. Once you’re well-nourished and fed, you’ll find you feel much more in-control around food and your food choices, as you’re less driven by your body’s physiological cues making you desperate for high-energy foods to supply the energy it so desperately needs and craves.

4. You’re falling victim to the feelings of guilt and shame, and you don’t have emotional coping strategies outside of food.

If you’re noticing your self-worth is increasingly impacted by your food choices or how you perceive your body to look, you’re more likely to binge eat or develop binge eating disorder. Poor body image can be a trigger for binge eating, as can ongoing feelings of worthlessness. In fact, many studies have shown a link between weight-related shame and guilt being linked to increased binge eating and associated symptoms, including this study amongst undergraduate women. Another study found the more self-critical a person was, the more severe their bingeing behaviours tended to be.

People who experience these emotions intensely or consistently often turn to food as a coping strategy, or means of relief and escape from these heavy feelings. Binge eating acts similarly to any other addiction - offering a brief oblivion or numbness, a way to shut down when things feel too much.

The thing is, as soon as you start putting food rules into place, you set yourself up to fail. You immediately create moral value around food and eating, and when you inevitably can’t stick to your restrictive rules, you experience these emotions of shame and guilt. Then, you begin questioning why you’re not more disciplined or controlled, why you have no willpower when everyone around you seems to be in control of their own food choices.

This once again creates a damaging cycle where your self-esteem and worth become more and more tied to your eating behaviours, increasing your chances of binge eating in an attempt to soothe or ignore the discomfort this causes, and leading to more and more guilt and shame as a result.

While bingeing on forbidden foods may feel good or like a respite briefly in the moment as you’re eating, it does little to help you deal with the emotional burden you’re attempting to avoid in the long-term. To fully move past binge eating, you need to be able to sit in your feelings (even the difficult ones) and move through them, knowing you’ll be okay soon. 

Instead of turning to food to numb or avoid emotions, it’s important to develop a toolkit of alternative, more productive coping strategies to provide you with resilience and support during challenging emotions and times. These may include:

• Journaling about how you’re feeling, what emotions you’re experiencing and what has caused them. Start to notice patterns in the people, situations and feelings that commonly trigger a binge, and avoid these until you’re more in control of your relationship with food, and you’ve worked to break down those lingering food rules you may have.

• Start noticing your critical self-talk, and try to challenge or replace negative thoughts with neutral ones. You don’t have to go from zero to one hundred and start singing your own praises. Simply rewrite any cruel thought about yourself or your eating with something more compassionate. For example, instead of “I’m disgusting, I just binged on so much chocolate in one go, I’m a failure,” challenge yourself to replace this with, “I ate more than I wanted and I feel uncomfortable, but this is an opportunity to learn and reflect on the pattern that caused this. Next time, I will try to do something differently.”

• Consider CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). This is often used to treat binge eating, and considers how your thoughts and emotions affect your behaviours to help you work through negative judgements towards yourself, and lessen the burden of guilt you experience.

• Talk to a trusted friend or loved one. Identify a source of support, and reach out when you’re feeling vulnerable or struggling to talk out how you feel. Sometimes verbalising your emotions is a great way to process and work through what’s actually going on for you, reducing your reliance on food as a soothing strategy.

• Practice mindfulness. Whether this looks like guided meditation, breathwork, slow yoga flows, spending time offline in nature, or something else entirely, learning to be more present in the moment can teach you important skills in how to manage and tolerate your emotions, making you less likely to turn to binge eating when difficult feelings arise.

It’s also important to note that you are not alone in struggling with bingeing or overeating. There’s no shame - you’re not weak, you’re not lacking in willpower, there are very real factors at play making you vulnerable to bingeing. And this is something many others experience, so never judge or criticise yourself for doing so too.

5. You’re not learning from your binges.

Each binge eating episode is an opportunity to learn and grow, as much as it probably doesn’t feel like it in the moment. Until you begin to recognise a binge as an opportunity to learn, you’ll likely continue bingeing.

Start to get curious after you binge, instead of judging and criticising yourself for lacking willpower. Ask yourself: what are you unwilling or unable to feel? What are you running away from or avoiding? Is there a pattern you can identify?

While a binge episode probably feels like an unhelpful, out of control act, it began because it was serving you in some way. Whether that was allowing you to feel safe, or providing you relief from something you didn’t want to deal with. So start to question and identify what your binges were doing for you, and consider replacing the binge episodes with another, more productive coping strategy like those mentioned above. 

Investigate the triggers or patterns causing you to binge regularly, and get curious around what this shows you about yourself. Can you identify any unmet needs? Or areas you need support in? How can you show up for yourself, or reach out for help?

It’s also so important to forgive yourself after a binge. Rather than reverting to the shame and guilt we’ve discussed, show yourself some compassion. Remember your binge was offering you something too, it wasn’t just an example of you losing control or being weak.

Don’t try to compensate, or eat less after a binge. Instead, focus on nourishing yourself properly with whole foods, treating your body and mind gently with kindness, and moving on without dwelling too much. What’s done is done, now you can choose to learn and grow from it!

Tips for overcoming binge eating

Now you (hopefully) recognise binge eating isn’t stemming out of a lack of willpower or discipline, you can begin to be more compassionate and forgiving of yourself when these episodes do occur. To reduce the regularity of binge episodes and prevent them occurring in the future, try these strategies:

Develop other ways to cope with and sit in your emotions that don’t involve food. Like we discussed, journaling, breathwork, mindfulness, speaking to someone you trust and seeking professional support are great starting points.

• Learn to identify difficult emotions in the moment, name them, and allow them to pass, knowing that you’re strong enough to cope with whatever comes your way.

• Stop dieting and ditch the food rules. Stop restricting what, how, or the amount you’re eating, and start tuning back into your body’s natural hunger and fullness signals, honouring them without judgement. If you’re still hungry after a meal, wait 20 minutes, then eat some more food without overthinking it! If you’re full before you finish a meal, stop eating and know you can always come back and have more later on if you want to. Stop viewing foods as “good” and “bad”, and allowing your eating behaviours to dictate how you feel about yourself and your body. Recognise all foods are allowed within a healthy diet, and eat accordingly.

• Make sure you’re consistently eating enough and nourishing your body adequately. Prioritise whole foods, and enjoy three balanced main meals daily (containing fats, protein and carbohydrates each time), plus snacks, being sure to eat every 2-3 hours. If you do binge, don’t skip meals or attempt to compensate. Continue to eat normally, and focus on providing your body with fuel and care.

• Forgive yourself if a binge happens. You’re not going to be perfect 100% of the time. But slipping up doesn’t make you a lesser person. As mentioned, don’t try to compensate or punish yourself in any way. Instead, get curious about the patterns or causes behind the binge, and consider what you can learn and implement in the future to prevent the same thing happening again.

• Seek professional support. Often, therapy is extremely effective and beneficial in helping you to overcome binge eating patterns, and develop alternative coping strategies to reduce your reliance on food to soothe and numb your emotions.

• Reach out to loved ones for support. Binge eating can feel lonely and isolating, so don’t fall into the trap of cutting yourself off from those closest to you. Remember, there’s no shame in struggling with binge eating, so if you’re comfortable feel free to share what you’re experiencing with someone you trust. If not, scheduling regular catch ups and quality time with the people you love the most can help you feel supported and less alone during this time.

• Stay active, gently. Don’t use exercise to punish your body or compensate for binges, but continue to move regularly in ways you enjoy. This can be gentle, low intensity movement like walking, or something more intense like dancing or HIIT. Allow plenty of rest and recovery time, and discover the type of exercise that works for you and your body.

• Show yourself some compassion. Remember, you’re doing your best. It’s not your fault, or a sign of weakness, that you struggle with binge eating. Make sure you’re prioritising your own needs, and meeting them in ways that don’t involve food in the absence of your binge episodes. Get curious about yourself, your emotions and your experiences, and go gently as you work to unlearn your binge eating triggers and patterns. You’ve got this!

It’s time to ditch dieting and food restriction - perceived or physical - for good, show yourself kindness and forgiveness, and stop blaming your binges on a lack of willpower! There’s so much more at play. Now you understand some of the causes of binge eating, you can begin to practise compassion and curiosity following a binge, so you can rewrite your habits and replace them with healthier, more productive coping strategies for life.