Eating disorders often become almost an entire identity in themselves - whether you come to define yourself as someone who eats “super healthily”, someone who can always be found in the gym, or even someone who is extremely disciplined, these traits or symptoms of disordered eating can become your identity. So naturally, when you step away from the eating disorder or disordered eating habits, it can feel scary and overwhelming. You have to rediscover yourself, your values and hobbies, and who you are away from the habits which have kept you stuck in a repeating pattern for so long. It’s natural to find this daunting. 

Many people wait until they feel “ready” to recover before they take action to change their habits and behaviours. But the truth is, you’ll never feel entirely ready. Recovering from disordered eating or an eating disorder involves confronting your fear and resistance, and getting uncomfortable to create real and meaningful change in your life. When you push past this fear of discomfort, healing and growth happen. 

If you’re afraid, developing an understanding of how you’re feeling and how to move past it can help you truly commit to recovering, so you can reclaim your life and identity away from disordered eating - trust us, it’s worth it!

Reasons why you may be afraid of recovering

Fear of weight gain.

One of the most common reasons people are resistant to fully committing to recovery is due to their belief that recovery is equivalent to weight gain. While in many cases this may be true, weight gain and recovery are not necessarily mutually inclusive. For some people, weight restoration is needed to help them get back to a healthy weight and return their body to optimal function and health. However others may experience minimal changes to their weight - with some people even losing weight in recovery due to making more mindful and sustainable food and exercise choices. But aiming to lose weight should never be the reason you commit to recovery.

Instead of fearing weight changes, it’s important to realise that your weight and body don’t determine your worth or value. Being in a smaller body doesn’t make you more loveable, attractive or a better person. It’s one tiny aspect of who you are - and realistically, it’s the least interesting thing about you.

While you may experience some changes to your weight, shape or size during recovery, this isn’t something to fear. Weight changes are a natural, normal part of life for all of us - in fact, it’s unhealthy and abnormal to look the exact same as you did at 12 years old, as you do at 45. Life entails changes, developments and fluctuations, and your weight is just one of the ways in which this is evident.

Fear or resistance to change.

For many people, disordered eating and exercise habits become so ingrained in their routine and daily lifestyle, they become almost compulsions. The idea of not doing any of their habits or behaviours for even a day or two is terrifying and overwhelming - so much so that they continue to perform these unhealthy habits because it’s “easier” than fighting against them. As humans, we’re programmed to avoid discomfort at all costs - even if that means we continue to repeat patterns or habits that are unhealthy, unfulfilling, or leave us feeling worse about ourselves. Our brains actually prefer to do this, rather than establishing new routines, habits and behaviours, or challenging our existing reality.

This fear of change or discomfort is incredibly common and normal, however the fact is this: nothing changes if nothing changes. While it’s understandable to be afraid of the unknown that comes with embracing change, focus on the exciting aspect of change. What if change brings you more happiness and fulfilment? What if you find joy and self-worth in changing your unhealthy, damaging behaviours to more positive, uplifting habits? Change is the only constant in our lives, so it’s important to lean in and challenge yourself to embrace the discomfort it involves, rather than running away from it.

Remember, if worst comes to worst, and you really hate your new lifestyle and routine, you can always revert back to old patterns… But it’s a pretty safe bet that you’ll learn to love and thrive in your new way of life. After all, by choosing recovery and embracing the changes it entails, you’re giving yourself so much more freedom and the capacity to experience joy and life to the fullest extent.

Identity.

Another challenge that arises for many people when choosing to commit to recovery is a fear of losing their identity. When you’ve had an eating disorder or disordered eating patterns for a long period of time, these habits can commonly become somewhat of your identity. You may identify as a fitness fanatic, someone who’s always in the gym, smashing out heavy weights or going on long runs. You might identify as nutrition-obsessed, or someone who always eats healthily or smaller portions than their friends, and only eats out at health food cafes. Over time, these little tendencies can develop into the qualities that define how you view yourself, and they can become your entire identity. If this is the case, it’s scary to consider distancing yourself from such behaviours. It raises the question: who are you away from your unhealthy or disordered patterns?

While this can be a confronting question and realisation, it doesn’t mean you should just stick to your disordered behaviours for fear you’ll be lost without them. Instead, get curious. Get excited to discover who you are away from these patterns. Lean into other areas of your life, and hobbies or passions which bring you joy. Ask yourself what kind of person you want to be, and how you want your friends to view you. Channel your energy away from disordered habits, and into the things which truly fill your cup, bring you fulfilment and make you feel aligned with your true identity, or the person you are beneath all the layers of disordered habits you’ve built up over a long period of time.

It’s too hard.

You’re worried that digger deeper than diet hacks and food choices will be really hard. You’d be right, in moments. But more often than not, the outcome of it far outweighs any challenges you will face on the way. What would it look and feel like to be in that place of healing? Making last minute plans with friends where food’s involved. Being able to rest without overthinking your lower than normal step count. Being comfortable enough in your body to be with your partner in your entirety. Think of the moments you find hardest now, what would it feel like to no longer be led by them? Surely those moments are harder than the work you’ll do to overcome them…?

How to overcome these fears

Now we’ve covered some of the common fears driving your resistance to recovering from disordered eating, let’s discuss strategies for overcoming these fears, so you can achieve the recovery and freedom you so deserve.

Don’t wait to feel “ready”.

So many people fall into the trap of waiting until they feel completely “ready” to recover from disordered eating. Whether this looks like being “ready” to gain weight, take time away from the gym, overhaul your eating habits, or redefine your identity, the quest to feel fully prepared and accepting of the changes that come with recovery is elusive. The truth is, you’ll never feel fully ready. 

These are significant and difficult changes you’re making, so there will always be some level of resistance and discomfort that comes along with that. Particularly given, for many people experiencing disordered eating or eating disorders, you’ve spent so long convincing yourself you need to look or act a certain way to be accepted and worthy - and now you’re about to throw that on its head and do the exact opposite of the habits you’ve lived by for so long. Naturally, that will feel scary and overwhelming a lot of the time.

Don’t wait until you feel completely prepared for the challenges, obstacles and changes recovery involves. You’ll never get there. Instead, recognise what you’re pursuing in recovery is so much more important than how you look, how you eat or how you exercise. You’re choosing to embrace life, to restore your health and your freedom, to take control of your life again. 

Focus on what you have to gain by recovering, rather than what you have to lose. When you recover, you can spend more quality time with your loved ones and feel fully present, leaning into the chance for connection rather than panicking about things like food and drink choices while you’re in company. You’ll gain more time to enjoy hobbies or things you love, when you’re spending less time obsessing over food or excessively training in the gym. You’ll gain the freedom to make your own decisions away from the prison created by the voices in your head constantly telling you how to act, eat or exercise. You’ll gain the chance to live the life you want to live, in alignment with your values, no longer ruled by compulsions and habits that leave you feeling worse about yourself. You’ll gain an understanding that your worth is not determined by your body, and an appreciation of all the amazing things that make you you! 

Don’t wait to feel ready. Recognise that the life you want to live is waiting for you, all you have to do is take the leap, embrace the discomfort and fear, and make the changes required to recover - as difficult as they may feel in some moments.

Establish a support network.

Recovery can be isolating, scary and lonely at times. But you don’t have to do it alone! Speaking to your friends, family or loved ones and explaining to them what you’re experiencing and working through, and how they can support you along the way can be an immense comfort and motivation during recovery. If you find yourself struggling to enact changes to your disordered habits due to fear or internal resistance, ask the people in your life to hold you accountable or join you as you challenge fear foods, practise eating more regularly or adequately, or whatever you need a little extra help with. 

Lean into the relationships in your life as you find yourself with more time and mental capacity, once you start stepping away from spending hours exercising or obsessing over food. Instead, begin to get curious about the things you actually value and enjoy. Ask the people around you to try new activities with you, to distract you from your fears or discomfort when they come up, to keep you aligned with your recovery goals and priorities. Share your struggles, your losses and your wins with them, and allow yourself to deepen the relationships in your life as you become more vulnerable and open. 

The people who love you want to support you through the ups and the downs, they want to understand what you’re going through and how they can support you. So let them! Ask them if they have space and capacity to hear you out, and let them know what you need from them as you navigate recovery. It can turn a potentially lonely journey into one of fulfilment, connection and growth.

Get very clear on your ‘why’.

If you’re not extremely clear on why you want to recover from an eating disorder or disordered eating, chances are you’ll be lacking in motivation to overcome the fear, obstacles or hurdles that arise along the way.

In order to be consistent and determined on your path to recovery, spend some time diving deep into your goals and hopes for recovery. Do you want to be able to enjoy the eating experience again, and find pleasure in food? Do you want to spend less of your day in the gym, and more time connecting with the people you love? Do you want to rediscover who you are and what you value and enjoy in life, away from food or movement? Do you want to learn to respect your body, and honour its needs? Do you want to build a sense of self-worth away from your body and appearance? 

There are so many different reasons to choose recovery - but the important thing is to hone in on the “why” (or multiple whys) that resonate with and motivate you. Each person has their own reasons and motivations for deciding to pursue a life away from disordered habits, so take the time to sit, reflect and physically write out the reasons you’re committing to recovery, and the goals you want to achieve in doing so.

Then, whenever you feel yourself struggling or lacking in motivation to continue pushing through the more difficult moments during recovery, revisit this list. Remind yourself what you’re fighting for. It will feel hard and scary and overwhelming at times, but if you can remind yourself of what you’re fighting for, you’ll find it much easier to push through the harder moments along the way. 

After all, if you embark on a journey with no clear reason why you’re setting out, then when fear or discomfort arise it becomes all too easy to give up before you reach the finish line. Yet if you know exactly what you want to see, experience or achieve on that journey, you’ll have the determination, drive and commitment to fight against the fear and stick it out to the end. Recovery is no different. Get clear on what you’re fighting for and why it’s important to you, and let it motivate you through the ups and the downs of recovery.

Ask for help.

While your friends and family are an excellent support network for you as you navigate recovery, many people find they need a little extra guidance and help to fully overcome their fears and resistance to recovering from disordered habits.

This is where it can be incredibly helpful to seek professional support. Working with the ETPHD team or a health professional can equip you with the strategies and tools you need to make full recovery a reality. Instead of being held back by fear, or feeling like you simply don’t know how to progress towards full recovery, you’ll have the opportunity to delve into the drivers behind your disordered habits. This allows you to create meaningful and lasting change and develop healthier, more balanced and sustainable lifestyle habits. You’ll be held accountable to your own goals and values, and understand how to overcome any barriers, fears or challenges you encounter as you pursue recovery.

Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. Sometimes, seeking professional help or support is the final piece of the puzzle, allowing you to understand why you want and need to recover, and giving you actionable steps and strategies to allow you to get there.

Need some support navigating recovery from disordered eating? Get help from the expert ETPHD team here.

Recognise that your worth isn’t determined by your appearance, your fitness identity, or your eating habits.

A lot of the fear of recovery comes from the belief that your worth is determined by the shape and size of your body, or the “healthfulness” of your eating and exercise habits. This belief is holding you back from recovering. It’s sending you the message that, if any aspect of your body, exercise or eating patterns were to change, you’d be less. Less loveable, less attractive, less worthy of acceptance. And if that were true, why would you want to recover?

The truth is, your worth is not determined by any of these things. You are worthy of love, acceptance and respect simply because you’re a living, breathing human. By nature of existing, you deserve these things. You don’t need to earn them or to prove your worth in the way you look and act. 

Instead, consider the people you love in your life. If they were to experience changes to their body, or start exercising less or eating differently, would you love them any less? Would it change how you feel about them, or make you lose respect for them? No. Then why should it be any different when it comes to you?

The people around you won’t love or care about you any less if you change these aspects of yourself and your life. You need to cultivate a sense of self-worth away from your body, movement and food patterns. You need to recognise your inherent worth, and lean into the things which make you you - none of which revolve around your body or appearance. 

The things that define you are the values you hold, the character traits you exemplify, your passions and hobbies, and the way you treat other people. They’re your sense of humour, your kindness and generosity, your passion for reality TV or fashion or Harry Potter! They’re the unconditional love you show to your family and friends, or the way you laugh so much you start crying. They’re your quirks, eccentricities and core values and traits which have nothing to do with how you look, and everything to do with who you are.

If you’re struggling to identify the things which define you, consider how you define other people in your life. What do you love about them? How would they define you, in turn? What would you want to be remembered for?

Lean into these aspects of yourself, and separate your sense of self and worthiness from your body. You’re so much more than your body and appearance, and you need to recognise and truly believe this fact in order to overcome your fear of recovery.

Get curious.

As we’ve covered, a fear of losing your identity in recovery holds many people back from committing to the recovery process. Without your eating and exercise habits, who are you? Beneath all these patterns and behaviours you’ve built up over time, what kind of person do you want to be? What do you enjoy? What do you value? All these questions can feel really scary for anyone embarking on a recovery journey.

If you resonate with this, it’s time to get curious. Instead of feeling scared by the idea of losing your identity in recovery, look at this as an opportunity to discover who you are, and what you want out of life. Take the time to try different hobbies and activities, to find things which bring you joy and fulfilment. Spend time journaling and asking yourself what you value most, and what you want out of life. Reflect on the character traits and qualities you love in the people around you, and the ones you want to exhibit yourself. Get curious, and find excitement rather than fear in the chance to discover who you are and shape the life you truly want for yourself. It’s not scary, it’s empowering - it’s all in how you choose to look at and approach this new chapter in your life.

Just as change can be scary, uncomfortable and overwhelming, it can also be freeing, liberating, empowering and exciting. It’s up to you which one you choose to believe. Lean into the life you want to live - lean away from a life of compulsive exercise, eating regimes and rules which dictate and control your life, and towards one in which you’re in the driver’s seat.

Remember, nothing changes if nothing changes. To overcome your fear of recovering from disordered eating, you need to learn to find comfort in discomfort, to trust the process even if it feels overwhelming or scary. You need to remember what you’re fighting for. You need to recognise you’re so much more than your body and habits, even if it doesn’t feel that way. Recovery requires a bit of trust, and even some risk - all with the knowledge that it will be more than worthwhile when you’re on the other side. Remember what you’re gaining in recovery, and let it drive you beyond any fear threatening to hold you back. There’s a whole other life of freedom, self-discovery and acceptance waiting for you, if you can only fight the fear and be brave enough to claim it for yourself. You’ve got this!

Looking for support as you navigate recovery from disordered eating? Reach out to the ETPHD team for the help, guidance and strategies you need to overcome your fear and make recovery your reality at last. You deserve it.