Many people fall into the trap of adopting an “all-or-nothing” approach towards both their nutrition and health. This mentality sees you categorising foods as “good” or “bad”, going all-in on your fitness routine or simply not moving your body at all, experiencing periods of bingeing followed by restriction of certain foods or food groups. It’s a kind of “black and white” mindset which, in its essence, is a completely unbalanced approach to nutrition, fitness and health. If you find yourself falling victim to this mentality, we dive into some ways in which it could be interfering with your physical and mental wellbeing, and discuss strategies for overcoming this approach to your health and nutrition habits.

Why is it a problem?

For some, it might be difficult to understand the problem with this all-or-nothing approach to health - after all, if you’re aiming for perfection in your health journey, surely that’s a good thing? In actual fact, it’s not… Here’s why.

1.It establishes food rules and fears.

When you take this attitude towards your nutrition and health, you tend to view foods as being “good” or “bad”, healthy or unhealthy. Viewing food through this lens is extremely simplistic and overlooks the fact that food is more than just fuel. Food can be comfort, it can be a chance to connect with others, it can even be a source of pleasure. But by categorising foods as good or bad, you create fear around these so-called “bad” foods, attaching a morality to them in doing so. You begin to equate your worthiness and self-acceptance with your eating behaviours and food choices. This means, should you ever “slip up” and eat the foods you’ve forbidden yourself from consuming, you’re likely to experience feelings of significant guilt and shame, believing you’re a “failure” for not adhering to the “perfect” diet.

In reality, while some foods are more nutritionally-dense than others, all foods have a place as part of a healthy and balanced diet. By creating rules and fears around certain foods as a result of this all-or-nothing mentality, you’re removing any ability to honour your hunger and cravings and enjoy foods you love, and instead you’re making food decisions based on rules, regulations and restrictions - which is not how food should be approached!

2. You’re likely to be trapped in a binge-restrict cycle.

Following on from the last point, when you begin to forbid yourself from certain foods, you almost elevate them to an unattainable status. In doing so, they become a fixation, something you think about constantly and likely crave too. By placing a “forbidden” label on these foods, you’re likely to want them more and more. This is a huge reason why most diets fail too - your body physiologically craves a food more once it’s told it can’t have it, meaning you avoid your cravings until eventually you give in, and binge on whatever food it was that you were avoiding in the first place.

By restricting foods or food groups, you develop the idea that you can’t eat them. Then, when you can no longer fight the physiological pull towards that food, you’re so convinced that this is your only chance to eat the food in question before you once again commit to banning it from your diet. This means you’re likely to binge or overeat the food, again triggering feelings of guilt and shame. Most people think that this cycle is the result of a lack of self-discipline in sticking to their self-imposed food rules. But it’s not at all. It’s the result of the “all-or-nothing” approach to nutrition and health, which physiologically and mentally sets you up for failure.

3. It often leads to a negative relationship with food.

Similarly, when you do end up stuck in these binge-restrict cycles, or you find yourself not quite meeting your own expectations of “perfection” in your nutrition and fitness habits, this often triggers feelings of self-loathing, inadequacy and shame. You begin to determine your own worth based on your ability to adhere to these unsustainable, rigid rules and expectations your all-or-nothing approach has led you to. When, inevitably, you “slip up” on one of your self-imposed rules, you feel lesser, guilty, as though you’re unworthy. All of this reinforces a really negative, problematic relationship with food, and it takes the joy and pleasure out of the eating experience.

Food becomes fraught with stress and anxiety. It becomes an obsession, something you fixate and dwell upon. None of this is healthy. Food should be something you enjoy spontaneously, something you don’t have to over analyse or obsess over. But by creating an all-or-nothing approach to nutrition and health, you start to define your own self-worth based on the foods you eat, so every time you eat a “bad” or less nutritious food, suddenly you feel as though you yourself are also “bad” or unworthy. This is a one-way ticket to a negative and strained relationship with food, which also increases your risk of developing disordered eating behaviours or an eating disorder.

When you take a more balanced approach to nutrition and health, on the other hand, you show yourself the grace, unconditional acceptance and compassion you deserve. You recognise that your worth is not influenced by the foods you eat. You realise that food is something you deserve to enjoy, and in doing so you can repair your relationship with food and yourself in the process.

4. It leaves you feeling restricted or deprived of the foods and things you love.

When you’re stuck in an all-or-nothing approach to your food and health, you tend to go to extremes in the name of being “healthy”. For example, if you’re focusing on eating “perfectly”, you’ll likely find yourself declining invitations from family members to go to dinner. You’ll feel obliged to say no to drinks with friends, or unable to enjoy dessert with your partner after dinner. In essence, you’re cutting out all the things which bring you joy, happiness and connection in your life.

Not only are you restricting yourself from enjoying the “less nutritious” foods you may truly love, you’re also depriving yourself of enjoying all the possibilities food can offer: connection, memories, experiences, pleasure. Essentially, you’re depriving yourself of so many parts of life which bring you joy. And that’s no way to live. It’s not worth it - ask yourself, if you’re never able to hang out with friends or go to dinner, does it really matter that you can fit into the smaller-sized dress? You’ll never have anywhere to wear it, after all.

Lean into life, not restrictions. You deserve to enjoy all the things that make you happy, and the all-or-nothing approach doesn’t leave room for you to do so.

5. It’s unrealistic and unsustainable.

If you’ve fooled yourself into believing you’re only taking this approach to nutrition and health “until you reach your goals”, it’s time to get real with yourself. This is a lie many people tell themselves. The truth is, once you fall into this mentality, it’s difficult to escape it. Because at the end of the day, once you reach whatever goal you’ve set for yourself, humans have a tendency to simply move the goalpost further away. Instead of celebrating your wins, you simply look to the next goal you want to achieve, never feeling satisfied with your progress along the way.

This all-or-nothing approach simply isn’t sustainable. You can’t go on for the rest of your life never enjoying another dessert, for example. Are you prepared to be the friend always sitting in the corner having a cup of tea, while your friends bond over waffles and ice cream?

As we’ve established, you also physiologically can’t maintain this approach forever. You’re doomed to fail, simply because restricting certain foods will lead you to obsessing over them until you eventually give in and eat them - often excessively so.

So the “all-or-nothing” attitude is unrealistic, and it’s unsustainable. It’s doomed to fail, and when it does you can expect to feel unworthy, and as though you yourself are a failure, even though it was the system you created for yourself which let you down.

How can you change your approach?

The good news is, you can overcome this mentality towards your nutrition and health. It takes some reworking and rethinking, but it’s absolutely possible. Here are some evidence-based, effective strategies for helping you to overcome the all-or-nothing approach.

1.Focus on balance and moderation.

Recognise that there is no such thing as “perfection” when it comes to nutrition or exercise or health - or life in general, for that matter. The idea that you can be a perfect, flawless human being is simply setting you up for disappointment and self-criticism. 

In reality, you should be aiming to create a lifestyle you can sustain - and that requires including the things you enjoy. If there’s no room for pleasure and joy in your food, exercise, or lifestyle habits, you won’t be able to carry on with them for long. And if that’s the case, then whatever “achievements” you acquire will be undone as soon as you slip back into old habits.

Instead of this yo-yo approach created by all-or-nothing thinking, aim for balance. Enjoy nutritious foods often, and less nutritious ones regularly too. Incorporate movement you enjoy, but also make sure to set aside rest days. Notice a theme? Balance and moderation are key to a healthy lifestyle which you can sustain in the long term and actually enjoy - without feeling restricted or deprived of any of the foods or things in life which bring you joy. Any progress you make while creating a balanced lifestyle is progress you can maintain and build on, because you won’t be taking one step forwards and two backwards thanks to the yo-yo effect of all-or-nothing thinking. Progress is far more important than perfection, and balance is the key to progress.

2. Practice self-compassion.

So much of this all-or-nothing thinking stems from the fact that you don’t fully accept or love yourself as you are. It’s important to recognise that body image has actually got very little to do with how you look - it’s more about how you feel about yourself as a person. If you have negative body image, and notice your thoughts are highly critical and scathing towards yourself and your actions, it’s time to start showing yourself the same kindness and radical acceptance you’d show your loved ones. 

Start to notice when the voice in your head pipes up, telling you you’re “not good enough” if you eat the bar of chocolate, or “you’re a failure” because you gave into the temptation of the slice of cake in the office kitchen. These are normal decisions and actions. Would you criticise someone you love for eating the slice of cake? No. Then why do it to yourself? You’re a human just as the people around you are, and every human deserves love and acceptance, simply because they exist. You don’t need to earn love by eating or exercising “perfectly”. You simply get to feel loved, and to love yourself, because you exist in this moment.

When you notice the cruel voice speaking up, don’t invalidate it with thoughts like “Don’t be so ridiculous, what you’re saying is absurd.” Instead, acknowledge it. Speak to yourself with compassion, acknowledge that this voice is scared of being unloved and unworthy, but remind yourself that’s never going to be the case. You deserve to be loved, no matter what you eat, or how healthy or unhealthy you are. Speak to yourself just as you would a loved one - gently, patiently, and with understanding and love. In time, it will get easier to fight back against the urge to be “perfect”, and to condemn yourself each time you put a toe out of line.

Practising self-compassion can help to reduce feelings of guilt and shame around your food and health, and can significantly improve your relationship with food.

3. Recognise that no foods are “off-limits”. 

It’s also important to undo any food fears or rules you’ve created thanks to the all-or-nothing mentality. Make a list of all the foods you’ve labelled as “bad”, putting the foods you fear eating the most at the top of your list. Now, each day (or even each week), pick a food from the list and challenge yourself to confront it. Set aside some time in a quiet, calm environment where you can be fully present in the experience of eating this food. Start with the foods you find least scary, or those towards the bottom of your list, and slowly work your way up.

Over time, you will realise that food is just that: food. It’s not inherently good or bad, just as your food choices don’t make you a good or a bad person. And by exposing yourself and confronting your fears and rules around food, you’ll learn to recognise that nothing bad happens when you eat these “bad” foods - contrary to what you’ve come to believe over time.

Practice enjoying a variety of foods, both nutritious and less nutritious, in your diet regularly, and know that you have permission to eat whatever you crave and desire in the moment. Stop labelling foods, and instead start appreciating the experience they can offer you.

4. Focus on how your body feels over how it looks.

If you notice yourself scrutinising your body, or checking your reflection in every surface as you begin to reintroduce fear foods or work on your all-or-nothing mentality, it’s time to reframe how you think about your body. Instead of fretting over possible weight gain or body fluctuations, start to focus on how your body feels, and all the many things it allows you to do.

For example, instead of thinking “My thighs look huge today,” consider replacing the thought with, “I’m so thankful for my legs, which allow me to walk around the earth.”

Instead of thinking, “My arms look flabby in this top,” think, “I’m so grateful for these arms, which let me hug the people I love.”

Emphasising your body’s function instead of its appearance is important when you’re working on accepting your body as it is. You don’t have to love your body every minute of every day, but each time you practise gratitude towards it, you overcome the nasty, cruel voice telling you you need to maintain “perfection” in your health and habits in order to look a certain way.

In truth, your body is perfect exactly as it is. It lets you navigate the world, breathe, laugh, love and live. It’s your vessel for navigating life, and for that it deserves gratitude rather than scrutiny and punishment.

5. Rethink the purpose of eating. 

Reframing the purpose behind eating and food is another important step in overcoming the all-or-nothing thinking. Often, people believe that food is purely fuel.

While there is truth in this, food is so much more than fuel. Food is nostalgic, it’s pleasurable, it’s comfort, it’s a chance to connect with the people around you, it’s an opportunity to make memories and to discover what you enjoy. It’s not just fuel. Food has so many purposes.

By simplifying food to be only a means of fuel, you create the illusion that you can eat “perfectly” in order to improve your health. But eating in such a way doesn’t improve your health, it simply makes you feel miserable and deprived. Acknowledging all the other things food has to offer gives you the opportunity to begin to enjoy the eating experience again, to try new things and figure out what you do and don’t like. Food should be enjoyable, not stressful.

6. Seek support.

Of course, there comes a time and place where you need some guidance and support if this all-or-nothing thinking has become too ingrained and consuming. For some people, navigating your way out of this mentality seems impossible - but it’s not! You just need some help understanding why you’re stuck in this place, and how to get out of it. It’s absolutely achievable, and you deserve the support. 

Reach out to the ETPHD team or a trusted health professional and ask for the help you deserve!