The truth is, most of us find it much easier to be kind, caring, forgiving and compassionate towards others - be that family members, friends, a partner, or even a complete stranger. And yet, the most important person to be compassionate towards is yourself. Your self-talk, and the way you think and feel about yourself determines how you navigate through the world. It impacts the energy you have to give to others, the confidence with which you show up at work and in life, the strength of the relationships you build around you.

Research shows people who are highly critical of themselves are less involved in social activities, and struggle with personal and social problems more often - including experiencing regular feelings of envy, stress and anxiety. On the other hand, people who cultivate self compassion are happier and more optimistic, curious, motivated and resilient, and experience fewer mental health concerns.

Learning to show yourself compassion has the potential to free you from the crippling self-doubt and negative confirmation bias holding you back from living a happy, fulfilled life. It allows you to forgive yourself for your flaws or mistakes, recognising as humans we all slip up, and none of us are perfect. It will help you befriend yourself, and become your own cheerleader instead of your own worst enemy.

Let’s get into eight ways you can show yourself more compassion, acceptance and kindness today.

1. Recognise your thoughts aren’t facts, and reframe them.

The idea that you are not your thoughts, and your thoughts aren’t always a reflection of reality, can be difficult to grasp initially. Consider this: every single day, you have thousands of different thoughts. Are you aware of all of them? No. Do you act on every single one of them? No. You have control over your thoughts, if you choose to exercise it.

Your thoughts have as much power over you as you allow them. If you accept every thought you have blindly without question, they become your reality. However, if you practise being aware of your thoughts, noticing them without judging them, and choosing to either act on them or reframe them, you’re taking control back. Thoughts are simply ideas or sentiments created by your mind, influenced by experience, emotion, environment, and many other factors - and often they appear completely out of nowhere, with no identifiable origin. They’re not “real” unless you decide they are. The more focus you give to a thought, the more real it becomes.

When you come to accept that your thoughts aren’t you, and they’re not always the truth, you can distance yourself from the self-critical, judgmental thoughts that may come up often in your mind. Instead of immediately accepting them and internalising the negative sentiments about yourself they may hold, you can choose to challenge these thoughts. You can notice them when they appear, and combat them with a positive, compassionate thought about yourself instead.

For example, if you failed an exam, you might notice negative self-talk and thoughts arising about how you’re hopeless and a failure. You can replace this inner dialogue with kind, compassionate thoughts, such as “I tried my best, and I can be proud of that. I’ll learn from this experience for next time.”

Positive self affirmations can also be helpful in replacing negative thoughts about yourself. When you notice your inner critic piping up, try repeating some of the following compassionate affirmations instead:

“My mistakes show I’m growing and learning.”

“I forgive myself and accept my flaws because no one is perfect.”

“I’m not alone in finding this difficult.”

“I accept myself for my strengths and my flaws, as they make me who I am.”

“I am enough.”

In distancing yourself from harsh, unkind thoughts, you become more open to the possibility of changing these thought patterns, by recognising that they aren't you. Your words are so powerful, so use them for good and show yourself the compassion you deserve in your self-talk.

2. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings without judgement.

Denying or running away from your emotions puts a strain on your ability to show yourself compassion. Often, difficult emotions like anger, sadness, grief or loneliness can trigger harmful self-talk or judgmental thoughts. You may think you’re “weak” for feeling these emotions, or believe you don’t have the right to sit in and feel your feelings when they come up. But in reality, identifying, labelling and accepting your emotions for what they are is so important in practising self compassion.

Instead of shutting down your emotions, or judging yourself for experiencing them, practise recognising them, remembering that all feelings are fleeting and temporary. Acknowledge that your feelings will pass, but you always have permission to sit in them and feel them until they do so. Get curious about why you’re feeling the way you do, and ask yourself what you need in the moment. Do you need support from a loved one? Some time alone to process and release your feelings? Maybe some self-care, or some time to spend doing something which brings you joy? Whatever it is, honour your needs without guilt or judgement, and then choose to move on from the feelings you’re experiencing. Release your need or desire to control your emotions, and acknowledge that everyone experiences challenging feelings sometimes - it’s part of what makes us human. Show yourself the compassion and understanding you would show anyone else moving through similar experiences, and allow the feelings to pass.

3. Talk to yourself like you would someone you love.

This strategy comes up a lot when we discuss improving your relationship with yourself. While it can be hard to show yourself the kindness, acceptance and compassion you would so freely and willingly give to a loved one, when it comes to treating yourself with kindness, try to step outside of your body and mind. Look at yourself as though you’re looking through the eyes of your best friend, and ask: what would they say to me in this moment? How would they comfort me? It’s a safe bet to assume they’d show you love and support, so show yourself the same things. Speak to yourself with care and gentleness. Imagine your inner dialogue is coming from your compassionate friend who is always there to help and encourage you.

4. Let go of the need to be productive or perfect all the time.

Oftentimes, the tendency towards self-criticism arises when you’re always aiming for perfection. Perfectionism is an unreachable, illusive goal, and one that sets you up for failure and disappointment time and time again. If you try to be perfect in everything you ever do, you lose the enjoyment of the process, and find yourself only focusing on the end goal. You miss the opportunity to be present, to learn and grow along the way, and to get to know yourself and those around you as you do so. And instead, when you inevitably make mistakes or slip up at some point along the way, you can become quick to critique or judge yourself harshly through your thoughts.

Instead of aiming for perfection, realise that as humans we all inherently make mistakes. We’re not meant to be perfect, or to find everything easy. We’re all built with flaws and weaknesses, and this is part of the beauty of being human. Embrace your mistakes as a chance to learn and grow, and resist the urge to judge yourself when they occur.

Similarly, let go of the need to be productive all the time. So much of society today prizes the idea of the “girl boss”, or the “side hustle”, or the entrepreneur who starts their own business and dedicates their life to work. We discuss the importance of rest days as being “productive” in their own rite. But this is doing us all a disservice! The truth is, we don’t need to be productive all day, every day. Rest is human. It’s essential, and it breeds creativity and release and curiosity. Release the pressure you put on yourself to always be “doing” in one way or another, and allow yourself to just “be”. It will do wonders for being able to show yourself compassion when you’re not running at a million miles an hour. Instead of punishing yourself for taking a beat, you can show yourself the kindness of recognising that it’s perfectly okay to mess up, or to take some time out for yourself - and there’s never any need to judge or criticise yourself for doing so!

5. Get to know yourself and your passions.

If you feel like you don’t deserve to set aside time to spend doing activities or hobbies purely for pleasure, it’s time to reframe that idea. Every single person deserves to enjoy uplifting, fun, fulfilling experiences - without needing to earn the right.

Allowing yourself to be present, and to do things which make you feel true happiness or contentment is an act of self compassion. Taking time to do something you love, purely for yourself, is showing yourself compassion.

So ask yourself: how can you cultivate joy in your day-to-day life? When can you set aside time to play, to get to know yourself and the things that light you up inside? Make this a priority regularly, and you’ll notice it becoming easier and more comfortable to show yourself the compassion you deserve.

6. Look after yourself - both in mind and body.

Taking the time and effort to nourish your mind and body is another ultimate act of self compassion. In taking care with the foods you consume, the people you surround yourself with, the types of content you consume, the way you move your body, you’re sending yourself the message that you are worthy of care and effort. Spend time being mindful of what you put into your body and mind, and seek out positive things and people which leave you feeling good about yourself. Soon, you’ll find making conscious, compassionate choices for yourself feels more natural.

7. Practise mindfulness and “being” in your body without distraction.

Mindfulness is an excellent way to become more aware of your thoughts and emotions, without letting them control you or fool you into believing they’re “fact”. In practising mindfulness, you develop self-awareness, and harness your ability to distance yourself from these cruel thoughts and challenging feelings. You learn to centre yourself, and return to the present moment, resisting the urge to drop into a spiral of self-loathing and judgement when your inner critic rears its head.

Mindfulness enhances your ability to choose how you perceive or engage with your own thoughts. It improves your power over your own mind, and gives you the strength to reframe your thoughts and experiences. It helps you rewrite your inner dialogue to show yourself the compassion you deserve.

Mindfulness can involve breathwork, meditation, yoga, body scans, or whatever works for you. Even spending some time in silence and away from all distractions can allow you to really tune into your own thoughts, so you can recognise what’s going on in your own mind. For example, going for a walk without your phone, without music or a podcast playing, leaves you free to really listen to the thoughts playing out in your head. You learn to be aware of damaging thought patterns, so you can intentionally rewrite and redirect them until they become habitual. It’s a great way to give yourself a reprieve from the inner critic, and show yourself compassion instead.

8. Remember, you’re human just like everyone else - so why should different rules apply to you?

At the end of the day, it’s important to realise you’re human, just like everyone else around you. You’re not the only one experiencing negative thoughts or emotions. We all navigate these things - more often than most of us are probably willing to admit.

We all struggle, we all fail sometimes, we all mess up relationships and we all feel alone or isolated at times. It’s part of being human.

It’s important to learn to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for making mistakes, for failing, for being critical of yourself. Stop dwelling on the past, on things you regret or are ashamed of, and choose to look to the future instead. Choose to move forward, with compassion towards yourself instead of criticism.

You are not your mistakes, your flaws or your failures. But you can grow from them. Again, return to the idea of talking to yourself like you would talk to a close friend. Would you tell them they’re a horrible person, a failure, or a good-for-nothing, purely because they messed up or showed a weakness? Then why should you treat yourself any differently? If we’re all human, then the same rules apply to all of us. So if you can show other people compassion and lenience, it’s time to do the same for yourself.

 Remember, cultivating self-compassion takes time and patience. It likely won’t happen overnight, but by practising these strategies you’ll develop the skills and habits required to make it feel more natural and comfortable. In time, it will become second nature to show yourself the kindness and compassion you deserve. Being compassionate towards yourself is crucial in repairing your relationship with yourself. This allows you to navigate the world with confidence, courage, and a sense of self-worth which doesn’t rely on anyone else’s validation or recognition. Everything you need is within you, so show yourself the gratitude and appreciation you deserve.