There’s something about typing the word masturbation two inches from my unborn child that make the feminist in me riled up so this email is really going to get me wetter than an otters pocket because the day has arrived it’s officially may the month of masturbation
 
Relax your pelvic floor (no really do, most of us exercising, overdoing types struggle to relax it and this is really jarring for our sexual health and satisfaction so for just a second do this pelvic floor exercise with me and close your eyes and take a deep inhale imagining you’re breathing in through all your holes (yes especially those holes) all the way into your belly and chest…
 
And release
 
Let’s continue
  
Every time it comes around, masturbation May proves to be one of my favourite months most notably because it tests my grammatical pun skills more than any other month and achieving literally anything tends to get me off – I am a recovering perfectionist, low self-worthy millennial after all
 
If you’re new here you’d be forgiven for wondering why on earth I’m talking about stroking the beaver aren’t I a nutritionist or personal trainer or educator or something?
 
Let me introduce you to my slippery, euphoric little world and give you some tenuous links you never imagined could exist, much like the female orgasm in heterosexual sex before the age of 23
 
 
Buttering the biscuit is one of the best things you can do for your body image and relationship with food (sans eating regularly, practicing food neutrality, self-compassion and of course eating mindfully)
 
Paddling the pink canoe supports us in creating a sense of ownership of our own bodies – clawing it back after the years stolen from us by patriarchy and diet culture and every hairy asshole that’s made an unsolicited comment on the way we look
 
Digging your own hole creates a sense of mindful connection and offers a slightly most enjoyable pathway to total immersion and presence than taking a mindful moment during a busy work day
 
Not only that, going knuckle deep may actually serve to regulate our nervous system and to be quite frank, 5 minutes with LoveHoney seems far more efficient than 20 minutes on the yoga mat (although both serve their purpose we do enjoy multiple methods of stimulation)
  
We know that there’s a relationship between body image and sexual avoidance, and the less positive we feel about our bodies the less likely we are to do the deed of darkness
 
Also, body image dissatisfaction actually predicts higher levels of “problems with orgasm” whether we’re doing squat thrusts in the cucumber patch or indulging in taco Tuesday 
  
We see this a lot with people we work with at ETPHD where not only do they avoid a bit of afternoon delight but the idea of feeding the horse with a flat hand creates a shame spiral even Brene would get lost in
 
When we struggle to feel at peace with our bodies we’re less likely to roll in the hay or stroke the beaver, and if we do take a ride on the slip and slide, it’s often much less enjoyable (like those water slides you’d go on as a kid that would rip your ass cheeks every time you went over an unruly connection in the structure)
 
 
Some of you can’t even consider playing the pink violin because imagine dedicating that much time to your own pleasure and honouring your bodies desires that feels very counter intuitive to everything you’ve been taught is safe from diet culture and hustle culture and every other grind harder disembodying culture 
 
But we all deserve pleasure and we all deserve self-kindness and parting the pink sea is both free and accessible and sometimes we have to do the act of self-love before we feel like we deserve it 
 
 
Playing the pink violin offers a unique opportunity to reconnect with our bodies without the distraction of life and if we take it as a mindful moment and breathe deep into all of our holes, it’s not only great for our pleasure and self-regulation but it does our pelvic floor a solid too
 
 
Most of strive to feel good within ourselves and also to feel intimately connected with someone else, whether that’s when we’re riding st George or simply grabbing bubble tea with our best friends 
 
We overthink our lack of connection to people but underthink our lack of connection to ourselves and this disembodiment is at the forefront of many of our unhelpful habits around food and our body image 
 
 
So this May carve out some time to tickle the schnickle with your best most mindful intentions and consider how this impacts how connected you feel with your body and maybe even with someone else 
 
I’m always here (probably not to help you with the 3 knuckle shuffle though that’s for your own time)
 
Have a lovely weekend,
 
Em

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