One question to ask yourself

"Who do I want to be and how do I want to show up in the world?"

I recently met a friend of someone really important to me, and before I did, I was panic texting my best friends and worrying, 'I wonder if she likes 'girls like me''? As if I should show up as the 'type' of girl she'd validate. Not that she asked me to...

Often we live our lives in the way we're expected to, the way we think we 'should'. But when you put aside the expectations and wants from others, how do you actually want to show up? How do you want to be known, and how do you want others to feel around you?
 

Journal on this. Then ask yourself, how do my actions and habits support me in, or stop me from doing this?

One thing I'd tell my younger self

Learning how to fail means learning how to better succeed. 

Elizabeth Day reminds us of this on her excellent podcast, how to fail. I wish someone told me to celebrate the endings of failing relationships, the lucky escapes of failing to get the job we went for, the failings of everything we thought we wanted. I've worked so hard in my 30s to improve my relationship with failure. I now celebrate other peoples' failures and toast my own with a tequila or two, and remind myself it's a rediversion towards something better.  After all, if you don’t try at anything, you can’t fail… it takes big labia energy to lead the life you want.

Something to consider

Our relationship with someone else won’t cure our relationship with ourselves.

I don't necessarily subscribe to the need to love ourselves fully before we can be loved. But I do think too many of us look outside to find peace with ourselves, to validate us, to make us feel worthy. But imagine relying solely on someone else for this, imagine the dependence (and health) of that relationship.

Journal on this - how is your relationship with yourself? What gaps are you trying to fill with those around you?

One thing to try this week

Start accepting compliments.

I heard something recently, that "as women we think compliments have calories or something". We brush kind words off when we hear them. I did it myself last week when someone complimented my skin and I credited the sunshine, disregarding that I've been getting regular facials, have been more intentional with my nutrition and water intake and upped my skincare routine (and of course, genetics and sunlight). It breaks connection with the other person too when you don't accept it - you tell them, I'm not comfortable with your kindness.

Whenever someone compliments anything about you this week, say thank you (and notice how difficult that is).