It’s like trying to organise a piss up in a brewery,
Organising my next fertility stage,
Not because I’m liaising with multiple clinics,
Nor because of the mountainous level of admin,
And sadly not because I’m legless on a bottle of red.

I’m having to rely on my menstrual cycle,
And as people who menstruate know,
That’s about as reliable as your red-caped ex-partner,
On their worst day.

You see,
If I bleed on planned day one,
My world will run smoothly,
But day two?
The whole month of my cycle will be sacked off,
There’s no allowance for mother nature appearing on a weekend,
Day three?
It’ll be tight but we might make it.

If it doesn’t happen?
We wait another 6 months,
And my eggs get 6 months older.

My brain since January has been a mash up of sperm and eggs,
I didn’t even get the great sex before it,
Between scans and cycles and sperm order and drugs,
It’s been quite the logistical nightmare.

I got a message from my best friend the other day that read,
I’m proud of you for your life admin and dealing with the commotion
And I thought, you know,
I am too.

Because I’m the type who barely opens her mail,
Leaves everything to the last minute,
Almost exclusively to her own detriment.

Personally, I mean,
Because in business I’m the polar opposite,
I’m on top of every ounce of that shit,
But we don’t need to psycho-analyse that today, ok?

The point is,
This whole process has been a massive lesson in radical acceptance.

If I get stressed out,
I’ll not only mess up my hormones even more,
But it would achieve nothing,
I’ll probably make mistakes,
And be even more likely than my usual self to balls up a booking.

I accept,
Ultimately,
That it is what it is.
I can only control my own actions,
I have to let the rest go.

Radical acceptance is a distress tolerance technique,
One that all of my clients train in,
Because truly,
It’s life changing.

It’s associated with reduced disordered eating,
Improved body image,
Lower rates of mental illness
And overall greater wellbeing.

Find yourself saying it’s not fair?,
I can’t deal with this?
Everything is working against me?
I wish things were different?

Well my friends,
This one’s for you.

It’s not about saying you’re ok with things that are happening,
But rather,
You accept the reality of the way things are,
It makes space for hope of change.

Worrying means you suffer twice,
But when you accept the full spectrum of emotions,
You no longer sit in frustration at feeling them,
Or indeed,
Seek to suppress them with food.

When you accept yourself just as you are,
Things just as they are,
You make space for change,
It sounds illogical but it’s true.

Imagine your behaviours when you’re calm and accepting,
Then imagine your behaviours when you’re raging and frustrated,
What do you think has the best outcome?

Acceptance is owning what you can control,
And letting go of everything that you can’t,
And it’ll change your life.