I’m wet,
Not the ‘glistening shimmer over my top lip’ kind of wet,
Nor the ‘had a really great first kiss up against the kitchen table’ kind of wet,
But actually,
The ‘Austin is so humid I can barely breathe but will never complain about the temperature’ kind of wet.
 
If it were the 90s,
My hair would be in corn rows,
Beaded to the nines,
And I’d be swaying my hair gracefully in the face of a man,
Only to be caught in the shower curtains later to be cut down,
Friends non-lovers, please ignore and move onto the next paragraph.  
 
I’m in the states for summer,
And as I’ve perused the delights of social media in recent weeks,
I’ve seen a lot of talk about summer bodies,
The ‘people don’t care what you look like’ narrative going strong,
On top of the ‘no one’s looking at you’ storyline,
And the ‘all bodies are beach bodies’ cherry on top. 
 
All well intentioned conversations,
And in some cases,
Very much true,
But my bugbear with all of these stories is this.
 
Often,
They come out of the mouths of people in societally celebrated bodies,
And even more often,
They invalidate the reality of your lived experience,
And when we do that,
Invalidate your truth,
We gaslight you into thinking you’re the problem.
 
I would love to sit here typing,
Slipping and sliding over the cushion top of this high chair,
And tell you that no one gives a flying piece of Edinburgh’s finest fudge about your body,
But in a society that has pitted us against each other,
Especially as women,
A society that has attributed our worth to our bodies for our entire lives,
Such that people of all genders genuinely find it ‘normal’ to comment on the shape of each others bodies,
Be that a compliment or a criticism,
There is inherent comparison and judgement in the minds of some people.
 
Ultimately,
Some people do have (unsolicited) opinions about the way that you look.
 
But here’s the thing.
 
We can show empathy, 
As those who compare and judge usually do so because of their own struggles with their body image,
Their own preoccupation with food and their bodies,
And that really,
Really sucks for them,
Whilst in reality,
It has very little to do with your body.
 
If this is you,
And you find yourself comparing and judging,
Please know that there’s no shame in it,
But I hope for you to be working on it,
To be supporting your own body image,
Challenging your internalised weight bias,
Doing the work to unpack the diet culture demons that have allowed you to be in this space where you struggle to see a soul beyond a body.

One really simple tool you can use?
When you notice that moment of judgment,
Replace it with a compliment of that person instead,
Ideally,
A non-appearance one.
 
And what I can tell you is this.
 
People care more about your soul,
About the energy you create around you,
The confidence you step into,
How you make them feel when they’re around you,
The memories you create with them,
How you make them laugh until they pee,
The kindness you show them,
The little thoughtful actions you take,
The way you laugh at their jokes,
And maintain eye contact as you listen to their stories.
 
People care more that they can take one photo with you to capture the moment,
Without spending another 10 minutes taking more,
And reassuring you that you look good.
 
They care more that you didn’t stress about the last minute restaurant they booked,
That you appreciated the effort they made,
And you weren’t late for the reservation because you were just getting your steps in.
 
People care more that you had the incredible summer sex you enjoyed,
That they helped you with that enjoyment,
And that you didn’t hide your body during it for fear of judgement.
 
If you want to drop a bit of body fat for summer,
Do it for yourself,
Do it in a healthful, flexible way,
That supports your relationship with food,
And own that choice.
 
Don’t let the narrative of some people on social media shame you into thinking you’re doing something wrong by choosing to diet.
 
But do it for yourself,
Not the perceptions of strangers on the internet or beach,
Nor of those you love,
Because you will never control the perceptions of other people.
 
Do it not to be more ‘acceptable’ on the beach,
Because most people aren’t looking,
Most people don’t care,
And if they do,
Who the hell made them the decision maker on what’s acceptable and what’s not?
Who made their opinion more important than your wholehearted living?
 
What’s that saying?
You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world,
And there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.
 
As the British weather does us a solid,
And some of us head to the land of sandy vulvas and sweaty crotches,
Remember that your presence in this moment,
The only opportunity you have to ever live this day,
The youngest day of the rest of your life,
Is really all that matters.
 
For fat loss that actually lasts,
That doesn’t kill your relationship with food,
Speak to one of us at ETPHD coaching,
And otherwise,
I hope you have a wet and wild weekend.
 
I’m always here,
Em x