Let’s start with the obvious shall we?

“Women don’t have absolute right to body autonomy”
You’d be forgiven for thinking that was a pro-lifer in the states,
But you’d be wrong,
This was a man with power,
A Tory MP,
On our doorstep.

“If sex work is work, then what’s the problem with being asked by your boss to give him a blowjob?”
You’d be forgiven for thinking this was a sexist pig being mocked on TikTok,
But you’d be wrong,
This was a woman who was a guest on a white man’s podcast,
A British white man in my industry with 100,000s of followers,
Where he nodded in agreement throughout.
Because you know,
It’s 2022 and grown adults still don’t understand the super complex topic of consent,
Bless.

If you haven’t been angry recently,
I urge you to consider why,
When precedent has been set for the removal of constitutional rights to women,
Where millions more women are now facing death and mental illness,
Where poor and marginalised groups are at greatest risk,
Why aren’t you angry?

Maybe it’s because you’ve spent years trying not to be,
Because anger isn’t a feminine emotion,
Because being too emotional is simply too much,
You have of course spent years using food to manage that anger and emotion,
To suppress it so it’s no longer visible,
But you know,
That’s by-the-by.

Maybe you’re not angry because it’s not your problem,
Because there are worse things going on in the world,
Because you don’t get political,
Because you’d rather be the positive one,
Than the one bringing people down by talking about it.

Here’s the thing though.

The people that feel the hurt more feel the joy more,
Because we can’t selectively numb our emotions,
It’s one reason why binge and overeating leads to less joy in life,
Because when we numb the hard,
We numb the good.

The people that care more about others are more likely to take care of themselves,
Those who identify as feminists are more likely to have a positive body image
Those who take action for the greater good report a greater sense of wellbeing.

There’s a concept called helpers high,
When we’re kind or helpful towards others,
We get boosts in oxytocin and dopamine,
We see reductions in anxiety, pain and depression,
Being a good human and caring about others is good for your health.

It can feel a lot,
This anger and upset at the world,
This feeling of helplessness,
But we have to hold space for it all.

I literally stopped to smell the roses last night,
The garden of the house down the street is my 30 something goals,
Filled with preciously pruned roses and towering hyacinths,
And without thinking,
I stopped in the street and rammed my nose right in there.

On that same walk,
I caught a girl on the bus smiling at me,
Doing so because I was audibly laughing at my podcast,
My therapist ghosted me,
I had uncontrollable lols on my own on the street.

I know the world can be heavy,
That hashtag not all men are pushing our buttons,
That life can sometimes be an absolute ball buster,
But ensure you’re making time for joy,
To stop and smell the roses.

Do a weekly journal check in and ask yourself,
Have I felt the full spectrum of emotion this week?
Am I surprised by my reaction to something?
Use the feelings wheel below.

I use this with clients to help emotional granularity,
Because when we can name our emotions,
We can regulate them,
And we rely on food less to do so.

Be angry,
And be grateful,
Be furious,
And be hopeful.

Because without feeling everything that life has to offer,
What’s the point in being human?