Granted,
It wasn’t the funniest joke ever written,
But there can only be one Katherine Ryan,
And if I took her place the world would be a much emptier place.

One of my friends recently said
You’re one of the funniest people in fitness,
You’re just so sarcastic and people don’t see it
And I thought you’re right,
I am hilarious.

And yet when I made said joke about the peen,
I got a message that said,
What do you mean,
#notallmeat ?
And I had to explain,
It was a peen joke,
And a sexism joke,
Not actually a brand of food that I dislike.

And it got me thinking,
Why are we so intent on being deep and thoughtful,
Or light hearted and lols,
And why can’t we make space for both?

I raised this to my other good friend,
The complex I’m getting that maybe I’m not actually funny,
And my years as an ugly kid developing a personality were wasted after all,
And he told me this.

You can’t now be seen to be saying ‘smile, it’s probably not that bad’
And annoyingly
He’s right,
The social media algorithm would lose it’s shit if I told everyone that sometimes they need to simply lighten up.

But guess what,
My lovely readers,
My secret hareem of favourite people in this industry,
Here I can say exactly what I want.

And sometimes the answer is exactly that,
Smile, it’s probably not that bad,
Maybe without the smile because let’s be honest,
Any woman knows that being told to smile makes her vagina recoil,
And provides an overwhelming sense of desire to chop off some bollocks with a blunt knife.

Life’s sweet nice when it’s predominantly fun,
Predominantly joyous,
Predominantly light,
Predominantly peen filled.

You’ll notice I’m not saying life’s ‘supposed to be’ these things,
Because as much I hope that to be true,
I of course hold space for those of you who feel that’s impossible right now,
We are indeed,
Not meant to be happy all of the time.

But sometimes the answer really is to take a step back,
Get out of your own head,
Gain some perspective,
And stop taking everything so seriously.

Make a dick joke,
Be the butt of some lols,
Let your underwear fall out of your trouser leg at an acupuncture appointment,
Laugh at yourself.

My friend shared a clip of Gary V this week and he said,
Go to a retirement home,
Spend some time there,
You’ll stop complaining about shit,
You’ll start doing more shit,
Because you’ll be petrified of the concept of regret.

Now listen,
I say this to you as trusted readers,
Who know me and understand my values,
And know that I care about you more than is healthy.

I’m by no means saying your troubles aren’t real,
Your preoccupation with food and your body doesn’t weigh heavy on you,
That it’s something you can smile your way out of,
You know that’s not me and it’s utterly untrue.

But jump on board the humour train sometimes,
We have great snacks,
And lighten up.

Choose joy even if it feels uncontrolled,
Eat unplanned pizza with a day wine,
Learn to risk death on a skateboard,
Have spontaneous mind blowing sex,
Go on last minute trips to countries you’ve never seen,
Go to see little mix in concert even though you’re 35,
Live
Laugh
Love
Ew.

And remember,
The next best thing to solving a problem is finding humour in it.
Although I hope for any men in your lives,
That the peen is not the problem.

I wish you the lightest of weekends,
And if it’s too heavy right now,
Remember that it will pass,
There’s always a little crack for the light to come back in.