I can’t believe I’m writing this,
It feels a bit dream-like,
But I did it.

No,
I’m not referring to the fact I joined this thing called TikTok that I’d heard GenZ talk about.

After online witnessing an incredible friend of mine run 100km at the weekend,
I reminded my body that for gods sake,
You can run for half an hour without stopping,
And I bloody did.

I was running,
Not fuelled by crippling anxiety,
Holla anxiety runs will always love you,
But purely fuelled by time.

Finished some work at 645am,
Podcasts 8am-12pm,
I had 75 minutes to gift my body with movement,
And nourishment,
And if it was lucky,
A wee wash.

35 minutes of sunshine running,
7 minutes of post running yoga,
10 minute breakfast,
5 (ok 3) minute shower,
And we nailed it,
Let’s all congratulate me.

Truth be told,
I’ve been living to work recently,
I say that knowing I took the weekend off away from my phone and went drinking a little too much with my best mate then spent Sunday on the sofa after a walk on the beach and that is indeed, not living to work,
More so than normal.

It’s tough in this hustle culture,
To find a balance between working your ass off to get the career you want,
And not missing out on the rest of life at the same time.

There are a lot of people in their 40s and beyond,
Those who like to remind 20 somethings that they had to ‘do their time’,
And minus 5 years,
I recognise sometimes I’m the same.

I worked harder than a lot people I know for 15 years,
I’m often surprised by the lack of work ethic of people younger than me who say they want a successful career,
And I’ll vocalise that,
Like the grandma I am.

But on the flip side,
I also see people pouring hours into work,
Even work they don’t love,
Forever people pleasing,
Saying yes,
Doing more and ticking more off the list,
Hustle hustling,
As if this achieving is the way to happiness.

But there’s tons of evidence now,
That deep work is more productive than long work,
Shorter working weeks are better for productivity than longer,
And yet we continue to glorify the more-more-more mentality,
How do you like it, how do you like it.

If you’re lucky enough to find your purpose in your work,
It will permeate the borders of other parts of your life,
And I don’t think we should demonise that,
Because a healthy job energises you,
It doesn’t drain you.

But life is so, so incredibly short,
And since turning 35,
I’ve spent more moments in mild panic about what I’ll look back on before I die,
And wish I’d done more of.

It’s been 2 months since I travelled abroad,
There’s a sense of something that feels like guilt,
Must get out my feelings wheel,
That I haven’t wholeheartedly lived since then.

I’ve of course seen family,
Friends,
Consumed a bucket of tequila and danced in the rain listening to Reggae with strangers,
And immersed myself in nature’s most basic of beauties,
Whilst continuing to live my purpose in my work,
At events and online.

But you can hear it,
Can’t you?
Me rationalising all the things I’ve done to contribute to my life,
Quantifying my doing like a good little millennial should,
Because if we are not doing we are not living.

Gosh,
What a toxic little narrative that is.

We are human beings,
Not human doings.

If you want a career you love,
Work harder than you can imagine,
But work deeply,
Whilst also playing deeply.

Deep is fantastic.
But it’s not sustainable without a break,
It’s pretty uncomfortable in fact,
The time out is essential.

I urge you to do,
To be,
To recognise that sometimes life needs you to live more of one and less of the other,
That time will pass faster and faster,
That soon you’ll find yourself looking at make up tips for over 30s on TikTok,
Do one 19 year old telling me your concealer hides ‘fine lines’.

It’s not about travel and spending money,
Buy a £4 packet of butter these days and you’re out of living for the week I know,
But about being present in what you are doing,
Finding purpose in what you are doing,
And savouring it.

Your future self will look back and ask,
Did you live enough?
Not,
Did you do enough?

I for one want to be excited for that moment,
What about you?