I’ve (almost) never had anything so delicious explode in my mouth,
The creamy yet firm soft centre,
The slightly salty casing,
The white powder clinging to the top of my mouth,
Dusting my nose as I inhaled,
The Pastel de Nata,
Egg custard tart for you philistines,
Is pretty euphoric.
 
As I enjoyed tart number 2 yesterday,
As content as a baby with that little giraffe thing they all love,
I knew that even with a pack of 3,
The third would wait until tomorrow,
And one of those sporadic,
‘I’m so grateful I healed my relationship with food’ moments filtered through my body.
 
They happen sometimes,
When I eat leftover pizza after a challenging Monday,
Or have peanut butter in the cupboard for a random PB&J sarnie,
Where I have enough PB to actually cover the bread,
Instead of a serving that’s ‘about a teaspoon’,
And they happen often when I’m travelling.
 
It got me thinking about holidays,
As I spoke to a coach I mentor about her summer fat loss programme,
Why is it that so many of us go on holiday and ‘lose control’ around food?

Why is that we go on holiday and can’t ‘trust ourselves’ around the buffet?
Or for some of us,
Why is that we go on holiday and can’t take a rest from our training without stress or fear?
Why do we feel so unable to relax?
 
The thing will holidays is that we fear rest so much,
We hate uncertainty,
We love our structure,
And although logically we are excited to take some time with our families and friends,
We want to relax and be present,
We struggle because they bring to light all of our challenges.

We overeat on holiday for myriad reasons,
The space it creates for rest,
And with that,
For our feelings to come to the forefront,
We eat to avoid sitting with them.
 
We have time to recognise how unfulfilled we are at work,
How we wish we had a partner with us,
Or how we wish we didn’t,
These fundamental human needs of purpose, love and belonging,
We can trick ourselves into ignoring them at home,
Where the busyness of the daily grind keeps our mind on the task at hand,
And away from our deeper truths.
 
We overeat because of the abundance and accessibility,
Because at home we selectively manage our food environment,
The foods on holiday are often a novelty as it stands,
I’m never going to find a pastel de nata on the streets of the Wirral am I,
We stop ourselves from eating these foods from an external place,
Not an internal knowing or want.
And external environment changes on holiday,
The scarcity mindset makes it feel impossible to say no.
 
We overeat because of the diet we did beforehand,
Which increases food preoccupation,
The risk of overeating and binge eating,
Our biological drive to eat,
Our body preoccupation,
And if you’ve done a silly diet with a silly programme,
Where you’ve cut out foods entirely or followed very low calories,
The likelihood of these things happening is increased exponentially.
 
We overeat because of summer drinks,
The impact of alcohol on our mindfulness is pretty clear,
But is also has direct impacts on our brain,
Making us feel hungrier than we are,
Whilst also impacting our sleep,
Again increasing our hunger.
 
Not to mention,
Alcohol is often used as a bit of a regulator,
Much like is food,
And another way of trying to self soothe when we feel dysregulated.
 
We overeat because we want to,
Because it’s delicious and collaborative and memory making, 
Which is completely valid and often a memorable part of a holiday for us and our families.
 
We struggle to rest on holidays because we don’t allow ourselves to rest at home,
We associate productivity with worth,
We believe we are never doing enough,
Overworking feels safe for us,
So safe in fact,
That even on holiday at a time of self-selected rest,
We feel anxious and unsafe.
 
Not to mention the way we treat our bodies at home,
Associating exercise only with fat loss and body composition,
Such that we associate breaking our exercise routine with instant body changes,
We feel guilt for doing so,
And again feel anxious when we do.

We struggle with all of these things on holiday because we come at food and exercise from a place of body dislike,
Where if we actually checked in with what's most nourishing and gifting for our bodies,
We'd know exactly how to eat and move.
 
Gosh,
What joyful holiday moments we create for ourselves.
 
There is nothing wrong with overeating sometimes,
There is nothing wrong with working out on holiday,
Or indeed taking a complete rest,
Especially if it adds to your holiday and joy and relaxation.
 
I just wonder,
As you look back on holidays of the past,
How many were wholesome and present and joyful?
And how many were spent overthinking food,
Your exercise,
Your rest,
And what you’d do to counteract it when you got home?
 
Do something different this year,
Come into the summer tackling all of the above,
So that when you do hit that beach (campervan, hiking spot, caravan et al.),
You’re able to fully embrace that time for what it is.
 
All we have is now,
And these moments we waste so many of,
Ruminating over the past,
Overthinking about the future,
That the time goes by,
The holiday is over,
And the moments have passed,
With how many banked in your memories?
 
Presence goes far beyond meditation and mindfulness,
It goes into your thoughts and asks you,
Can you be here, now?
 
What has to change for you to have the most present break yet?
 
“When you love someone,
The best thing you can offer is your presence.
How can you love if you are not there?”
- Nhat Hanh 

This goes for your children,
Partner,
Friends,
Yourself.