I’ll get whatever you have,
You’re the bubble tea expert,
I said to my best friend,
As we ordered our dessert after dinner last night,
The rose bubble milk tea.
 
Smart decision from me,
That drink was a gift for my gob,
Despite it now being 2 hours later,
And still being so full of liquid I’m surprised it’s not coming out my eyes,
Which to be fair,
Makes a nice change.
 
Drinking my calories,
Not having a single clue about how many calories,
After a meal out (with no protein because Lebaneses don't love the veggies),
Knowing my friend loves the sweetness,
And letting her choose the sweetness level of mine,
This would have been a no-go to 30-year-old me.
 
It feels quite silly writing it out like this,
You’re saying at 30 years old,
You couldn’t enjoy a mid-week bubble tea with your friend?
Probably not,
Unless I’d factored it into my week,
Eating less during the day,
Had probably trained legs beforehand. 
 
This same best friend has been my soul mate since we were 13,
And I remember at 30,
Having weekends away with her,
When on the surface my eating might have appeared 'normal',
Whilst on my trips home,
I’d stop at every service station and continue the sugar-feasting,
Since I’d blown it already,
This would be my day to get it out of my system.
 
I don’t talk much about my own story now,
I think that shockingly,
I’m sick of the sound of my own voice,
And sick of talking about my own shit,
Because man,
Don’t we get tired of our own shit?
 
But today I’m here,
In the hope of highlighting to you,
Some signs of dysfunctional eating that you may not recognise,
That you might not name as dysfunctional,
Disordered,
But that actually when changed,
Will lead to a more healthful approach to food, 
And a more healthful approach to life,
Yet when unchanged,
May develop into disordered eating that takes over.
 
Less obvious signs of disordered eating:

• Maintaining your weight within a small range (1-2kg) by close monitoring and changing your behaviours in response to small fluctuations

• Eating most of your calories in the evening

• Eating ‘skinny syrups’ instead of regular

• Weighing yourself every morning

• Noticing your hunger, but regularly choosing to ‘hold off a while longer’

• Always choosing fat free versions when others are available (0% yoghurt is not always a vibe)

• Hyper awareness of what others choose to eat

• Eating the same foods most of the time

• Being unsure of what foods you enjoy

• Spending a lot of time on food choices, recipes and in the supermarket

• Dishonesty about your food choices

• Sharing lots of details about what you’ve eaten

• Unusual combinations of foods (cucumber and sweetener anyone?)

• Feeling uncertain about social occasions, especially last minute 

• Agitation about changes to your routine

• Preferring to eat in private (and may refuse socially in preference)

• Saving food-related items (e.g. seasonings or sweeteners from take aways and coffees)

 
Some of these habits may be aligned with your goals if that goal is healthful fat loss,
And if you have a good relationship with food,
Could be part of an overall healthful approach to nutrition. 

The same behaviour can look the same on the outside for two people,
Yet the intention is different,
And it’s intention that we have to be mindful of.
 
If you find yourself thinking 'that's me,
I do that'
Then consider,
What is my intention with that habit?
 
And be honest,
Brutally so.

Is it out of choice and preference?
Or born from a subconscious rule you've created at some point,
A ‘should’,
A normalised diet culture narrative that you’ve adopted as the norm.
 
If you ticked off any of these,
Consider,
What do you want your relationship with food to look like?
Are you willing to work to let that go?
To find the healthiest way of being?

If you notice some reservations,
Some defensiveness around this email,
Then consider,
What’s the underlying fear you have about letting that behaviour go?
What's leading to that feeling of defensiveness?

And finally consider,
Who normalised that behaviour for you?
Is that how you want to live your life?

And remember,
I’m always here,
Em x

PS Katie, our neurosomatics coach is taking on clients now. She'll help you let go of any remaining food rules. To bring you back to a place of trust in your body. Of ease. We're the first in the fitness industry to offer this type of mind-body coaching. I knew we needed it because I see so many people who are disconnected from themselves. I know so many of you will benefit from it. Reply here to chat about it, or just find out a little more. Or apply below.