Incessant. That’s the best way to describe them. Yes, my exes, but that’s not what I’m referring to in today’s conversation
 
I’m talking about the voices in my head
 
It’s wild. They go from ‘I better text her to, I can’t believe she’d do such a thing in 6 months time. This is what I’ll say to her when she does it. What a total let down I knew that would happen I can’t believe she’s going to make me feel that way, at Christmas when I’ve got my baby too
 
Sometimes on my morning walks I’ve told the entire story of the next 12 months of my life before I’ve finished my first cup of coffee (and dealt with the emotional outcomes too)
 
They really can be incessant
 
I find the voices in my head are particularly loud when I’m seeking a sense of control over the unknown 
 
On the outside I am fully leaning into this absolutely terrifying concept (pregnancy has already taught me so much about this and served as a beautiful reminder that really, we have control of bugger all)
 
On the inside, the borrowers living inside my head (if you don’t know the borrowers then please do some research into one of the greatest kids books of all time) are having the biggest conversations of their lives (and often I feel, enjoying a tequila or two whilst they do)
 
We all do it
 
If I encouraged you right now to stop reading, close your eyes, and sit for 60 seconds, you’d hear an entire family living in your brain space attic discussing the day ahead, the goings on of this morning, maybe bringing to light fears you’ve been ignoring (much like you have those incessant exes I hope)
 
We see this a lot at ETPHD with people who find themselves preoccupied by food and their bodies – be that with thoughts of food restriction and control, binge eating, of fears around their body or judgement
 
This feeling like I can’t stop thinking about it 
 
There are of course many tools we use to support this (we have a bank of over 200 actual resources in these areas) but I’d like to share a couple of the key ones today that I’ve personally been using to help quiet the voices in my head, allow me to be present, and to stop causing myself unnecessary emotional pain
 
Because that’s really what these voices do – they create scenarios in our head that don’t exist, have us arguing with people we love over things that haven’t happened, and if we do it enough, can actually create a physiological stress response
 
The borrowers are meant to be fun
 
The first step is (drumroll please) – awareness. Noticing that the voices are loud in that moment. Calling it for what it is. Those voices in your head again
 
Notice I’m not identifying with these voices. I’m not saying that my head is loud, that my brain is going wild. I’m separating myself from the borrowers. They’re mini people living in the attic space of my head with their tequila having a natter. 
 
The second step is asking them to stop, to be quiet. This is easier when you realise they’re not you, they’re the borrowers. You might need to ask them a few times to be quiet (they may have had many tequilas by this point)
 
I generally use the word ‘stop’. In fact, that’s the habit I set my clients too. Hear the thoughts, notice the conversation and without getting lost in them, politely say the word ‘stop’. You can do this in your head, but if you’re feeling very adamant then say it out loud. No judgement here
 
The third or alternative option here is to take a mindful moment
 
As I noticed myself running through my entire post-partum period in 2 minutes this morning, I allowed myself to stop, smell the ginormous purple flowers blossoming in my local park, notice the intricacies of the inner colours and textures, before carrying on
 
A mindful moment involves all the senses – sight, smell, taste, sound, feel
 
This takes you out of your head and back into the present moment 
 
When we repeat these behaviours, they become easier
 
I can’t promise that you’ll never have a busy mind again, but I can assure you that it begins to feel a bit lighter in your head when you’re intentional with this work
 
I’d recommend journaling on the purpose of these thoughts too. Often, they’re seeking a sense of control.
 
We think if we work through the worst case scenarios, they won’t cause so much stress or fear when they arise in real life. Sometimes it’s avoidance of pain. If we ‘knew’ the painful thing would happen and planned for it, we believe it makes it easier for us to deal with (if this is you, consider the concept of foreboding joy, this waiting for the other shoe to drop, that we believe helps us but really just strips us of our present moment joy)
 
That’s all for today, I’m off to try a new coffee shop and it opens in 12 minutes and really I’m going in the hope they have decent almond croissants for my Friday morning self-dating
 
Have a wonderful weekend, I’m always here,
Em

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