They served one Buddha Lindt balls,
Another one was given a Soreen loaf,
And it was when I saw a shot glass in front of the third,
That I realised I’d found my new home.

This week I branched out,
I visited the local Buddhist meditation centre,
Attended the first in a series of classes on Modern Buddhism,
Ignored my brains early evening cries for a stuffed crust and instead,
Reminded myself that the cry for comfort eating was in reality,
A cry for connection.

After some weeks of living with my best friend,
I was on a bit of a connection come down,
Which was weird to me to be honest because usually,
The connection come down is where I feel most at home,
Alone,
In silence,
Recovering.

Anyway,
I want to walk you through my good relationship with food thought process,
And compare that to 20-something me,
The me who had a woeful relationship with food,
Who’d have handled things way less healthfully.

Firstly,
I recognised that I was feeling a bit lonely,
I named the feeling,
Rationalised the fact it was transient,
That I certainly am not lonely day-to-day,
And it was an energetic comedown after some weeks to be so grateful for.

Naming our emotions has a physical impact on parts of our brain,
We see a diminished response of the amygdala,
The part of our brain responsible for processing our response to threat and fear stimuli,
A reduced stress response,
Simply by naming our emotions.

Old me wouldn’t have let myself feel anything but grateful,
Positive for how much I have in my life,
I’d have done anything to suppress those feelings,
To maintain an ‘optimistic’ attitude,
Including shoving them down with a large stuffed crust and a tub of ice cream.

You know what’s funny?
In some consumer research I read recently,
Lack of validation for feelings was the number one cited reason for divorce from 83% of women,
We hate it when our partners don’t recognise our feelings,
Yet we refuse to do it for ourselves.

Secondly,
I responded with curiosity to my drive to eat.
I did this by pausing,
Taking a breather,
Naming what I felt,
Then reminding myself,
This urge to eat means I need something,
That something is probably not pizza.

Old me would have been triggered by this urge,
Unable to slow down or stop,
Have ordered the pizza and whilst waiting,
Started on the snacks.

It’s an urge after all,
Not my fault I have this drive to eat it,
Must honour it,
Must quench it.

But current me says ok,
I hear you want to emotionally eat,
Which means you need to meet your emotions,
And now that you’ve named them,
You can do that.

I reached into my (non-pink) toolbox,
And pulled out every emotional regulation strategy I’ve packed away in there over 10 years,
Meditation,
Yoga,
Long boarding,
Journaling,
Baking,
Cooking,
Speaking to friends,
90s films,
Airplane mode,
I did it all.

It’s important to develop new pathways from old triggers,
Instead of never wanting to emotionally eat again,
Use that drive to emotionally eat to build a new pathway,
A pathway towards a helpful outlet.

Thirdly,
I didn’t wait for the motivation to do something,
I wasn’t at all motivated to go to a Buddhist centre all alone at 8pm when it was technically time for an episode of Brothers and Sisters and a hot chocolate,
But I checked in with my values,
Of being my most healthful self,
And I did it anyway.

Stop waiting for the motivation to do things,
No one is motivated all of the time,
Rely on building habits and practices and being so certain in your values,
That you do the things anyway.

As I sit here writing,
I’ve a glass of wine in one very sticky hand after consuming my second egg tart,
A tart to me brought my John,
A true hero of my lifetime,
Who came to me as a handyman,
And remains a solid friend and comfort 2 years later.

I didn’t need 2 tarts,
But I certainly found comfort in the second one after he’d left,
But that’s lesson number 4.

Emotional eating is not something to avoid at all costs,
But rather,
Something that can be soothing on occasion,
Provided it’s not suppressing,
Regular,
Or the only soothing strategy we have.

I urge you if you struggle with emotional eating,
Over- or binge-eating,
To develop these strategies for yourself,
With one of my coaches or through your own personal work,
Because you deserve to find true comfort in food sometimes.

The kind of comfort that nourishes your soul,
Energises you,
Is a form of self-care,

Instead of shadow comfort,
That drains your energy,
Is self-defeating,
And stops you from seeing clearly what is going on for you,
Moves you away from courage and vulnerability,
And leaves you feeling resentful.

Follow these steps,
Implement them,
And watch how you change your relationship with food.